it’s coming up to 18 months since I lost my husband, the love of my life, the life we shared for over 52 years, 50 of those as husband and wife, a lifetime in itself a life I loved, a life I had always known for over half a century.
I’m now faced with this different life, different because I’ve to live it without Alan by my side, oh he’s still by my side in spirit yet I dearly long for him to be here in the physical, in his earth body, sadly this cannot be.
whilst I now live this different life, a life different to the life I loved with him, I am still the same person underneath. I have begun to laugh again, and laugh at the same kind of things, I still think the same, most if the time, feeling the same is somewhat tinged with the sadness of losing Alan, my ideals and opinions are the same.
overall, I feel my outlook has suffered the biggest change of all. I am beginning to look to the future that now lies in front of me, a future I tread with Alan at my side yet in spirit only. I have only begun to look at what may lie ahead very recently so in some respects this has to be some progress, however small. I still cry every day, I still have my moments of sadness and the grief is forever present. this grief will not fade overnight, if at all, so for the present and the immediate future of my different life I must learn to embrace it, it is now such a major part of me, apart from the feelings of the physical loss of Alan, this grief has to be the second most important change to my present, therefore an important part of my different life for the future.
yet aside all this sadness I am still the same person underneath. I still hold my spiritual beliefs very strongly which is of great.comfort to me. knowing Alan is forever with me to guide me along the paths my different life may lead me.
I shall still have my sad moments, my bad days too, although the latter is becoming less frequent as I try to accept he’s no longer walking the earth plane, in time I know I shall accept and accept fully, in time I know I shall feel more peaceful and the sorrow and sadness in my heart will become fully embraced by the love I hold as it continues to grow.
so yes, underneath all this pain and sadness, I am still me.
hope today is an improvement on yesterday and tomorrow is an improvement on today