I thought I was doing well today. The first Saturday my mind hasn’t recreated my partner’s last hours.
And then I sat down and relaxed with a book about an hour ago when it hit me.
Really wish my mind would stop making the memory of her last hours seem so real.
Hello Twoflower, i think most of us have those moments, who knows why the sadness just strikes, we can be ok, and the next, our eyes and face are all wet. I hope the rest of your evening goes better. Take care and God bless you 
Hi Lightmary68
Thanks for the reply. Think last night just got to me.
It’s been easier to get through the sad times more recently. Probably because I keep busy. Sitting down last night with little to do and my mind settled on memories I wish I didn’t have. I’m glad I was there, I didn’t want her to be alone in her last hours.
I’m hoping these memories will ease with time.
That and a sudden feeling of being incredibly lonely. I’m a bit of a loner anyway and quite like my own company. But I now seem to have way too much time on my own. Something I need to work on.
Hello Twoflower, those memories are definitely still there, I was also with my husband when he passed, holding his hand..it was heartbreaking 
seeing him take his last breath, but im glad I was there with him, including my 2 kids who assured him that I would be ok..i know even writing this now obviously brings back that memory, but I try and focus on just the good times we had, hope you do the same. Take care of yourself and God bless you
It has been over year and I still have those moments, I even go back to those saddest moments more now. As Helen mentioned, trying to avoid them and push them away helps, otherwise it’ll be torturing us immensely. I work every Saturday and I still cry there when nobody sees me. I also find those peaceful moments and then it hits me unexpectedly worse than before. I find this to be dangerous for a mental health, because I can organize those nice moments and memories and it still hits hard and you never know when. Time doesn’t help with this, it’s about accepting this reality and adapt to it, but I still can not, so I do understand you very well…
Janka
I can relate….hope it gets better.
Stacy
Hi Stacy how are you doing? We are all suffering here from our bereavements. Some of us are further along than others but we all understand the pain of losing our loved one. My wife died on Christmas day after two years of cancer treatments. We had been together for forty years after I walked past a pretty little thing on a London street and decided to turn round. I was eighteen and I had to follow her to her home in Spain but I was blessed with forty years of love. I hope you find solace here.
Wishing you all the best
Tom
