My lovely husband died away from home so I didn’t get to say goodbye. Life for me has changed into something unrecognisable but I do have good family support. The funeral (burial) will be in a couple of weeks and I have the opportunity to see him and say goodbye just a day or so beforehand. I’m not sure if I am doing the right thing but need to say goodbye. It will be traumatic I know and I don’t have to do it. I would really welcome comments from any of this lovely community who may have done it and how they felt during and afterwards x
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My wife died in hospital,I saw her around two hours later,I held her hand for a while and talked to her,then I kissed her goodbye and left,I felt horrible before,calm but very painful during,and a total mess after,I wouldn’t have not gone to say goodbye though,good luck with your decision.
Sending you peace and strength.
Ron.
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Hello, I felt the same way when I went to see him before the funeral, mainly scared of what I would see but felt I had to do it, it was fine, to be honest all I thought he’s not there….
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I found it comforting; kissed him and talked to him. Yes, it was distressing, but it did give a kind of closure. As he died very suddenly a couple of miles from home, and was taken straight to the hospital/coroner’s office, I think that if I hadn’t seen him, I’d always have felt that he hadn’t really died. And I wanted very badly to say the goodbye I hadn’t been able to at the moment he died. The undertaker had made him look peaceful and at rest.
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Thank you so much for responding to my post and found your reply very helpful. I feel that I should go as I need some form of closure if it even exists.
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Thank you Catrin and Flower garden for your replies. You have given me some courage to go ahead (I think) and say goodbye which if I don’t, may be a lifelong regret.
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I went to see my wife a couple of times in the chapel of rest before her cremation , first time had a good half hour alone with her , made her a few promises and said all the things I needed to . Was good to see her embalmed , looking peaceful and as if she was sleeping , removing from my head the image I had from the night she passed away in hospital ( after they had tried to save her ) .
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Hope you find it helps; will be thinking of you. xx
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I went to see Roger but didnt want to look. Helen my undertaker was brilliant. She covered him with lace so I couldn’t see anything and left. After about half an hour I asked her to remove the lace. She did and I had a very brief look. I’m glad I did because I would have spent the rest of my life wondering.
After that I just used to go and sit by his closed coffin. I would talk to him and cry. But I did get some comfort from being by him.
The hardest time was the day before the funeral when I knew I wouldn’t be able to sit with him again
Thank you all for sharing your experiences with me to help me decide. I know in my heart, that I should go and see him and probably will.
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