Hi. This is my first post. I lost my partner of 32 years on the 24 November, his funeral was a week b4 xmas. Have been reading the comments on here and everyone resonates with me. Im just so scared of everything, my man could turn his hands to anything and now i fear everything in the house breaking, I’m over thinking constantly and feel irrational doing it. I fear my friends will give up on me as I’m now seen as vulnerable and sad. I’d like to just chat with someone who’s going thru the same.
Please be more kind to your self
You are still in shock l lost my hubby on the 20th June this year it was unexpected and we have known each other for over 40 years and been married 38 years.
Even now I get scared and very lonely writing on here helps and letting my best friend in. No one will replace my Geoff but I still think he is watching over me and giving the strength to go on.
Please listen to your body and give yourself yourself time to grieve and if you have family let them help. Xxxx
Thank you Jeanine1. I do hope he’s watching over me and that I’ll find an inner strength eventually. I suppose we all already have as we navigate this unwanted journey. Im sure being on here will help massively too. X
Dear cath2 you are at the extreme raw stage and i would concure and say lean on your family as much as you can or they allow . I was fortunate to have a fantastuc daughter who stayed with me for a month. I found talking to other people on one to one support lines (cruse , good grief trust) got me through the first months. If you are able i found going to the good grief trust zoom breavement chats every weds at 12 am a real life saver in the very early stages of this horredeous path we have been forced on. Please stay safe and cgar and write your thoughts as this too helped me in a strange way. Sending hugs Allen
Cath, i feel your pain too. My lovely Paul suddenly collapsed at work at a customers home on 12th Dec. He was blue lighted to Addenbrookes but sadly after a 5hour operation, he was pronounced dead. He was fit, non smoker and didnt drink, ex RAF for 28years until we met.
I am in shock still. He was 65 and due to retire next year after working hard every day of his life. It was our second marriage and he was in my children’s and grandchildren lives for 22years. He was their ‘go to man’ for advice and assistance. They are heartbroken
We’d booked a cruise for 3rd feb 2023, and we should have been away now on 4 day break from yesterday.
I, like you , feel numb, lost and totally devasted. I will have to dissolve his business and of course the loss of his wages is a frightening thought. Paul didnt believe in taking out insurances either so our mortgage will still need paying.
I have cried and cried and dreading Paul’s funeral on the 6th Jan…life is so unfair Cath. I have you in my thoughts, do your best to stay strong. Big virtual hug xxx
I feel for everyone who’s going through this. Since my partner died (suddenly) in November I stayed with my mother for over a week & have gone to her every day since then, yesterday my car broke down so had the whole day by myself, it was hell!! Today I have had to take the car to a garage on my own & I’m in a coffee shop (waiting to here from them) on my own which I’ve never done without my partner knowing this is my future, doing on my own as I did everything with her & what friends I’ve got have their own lives & no time for me. This life is so impossible now I don’t know how I can go on.
Emz take things slowly in the first stages. Hour by hour min by min. Sitting have a cup of coffee is a great step. When grief is raw it is beast and rips through your heart. As many have said this shows how deep you loved them. I am truely grateful for my time with my linda and see it as a gift as today it is hard to find . Stay safe and keep posting or reaching out to other online services as it will help with these tsunami of grief waves. allen
You know Cath I had always thought of myself as an independent person but when I lost my husband I became a wreck of a person and each day seemed to hold new fears. I even feared the roof would fall off. I had things go wrong and had to sort them out and slowly my confidence returned. Try to get some sort of list for local tradespeople.
I have noticed that fear seems to be one of the main problems in the early days of grief.
See if you can find groups near to you. There is such a thing as Grief cafes and hospices also hold groups for chats.
Such lovely and helpful advice has been given and I agree with it all. I was definitely terrified of the future without my darling husband two years ago this month. I still feel lost and sad but I have learned to tackle each thing that happens and not to worry about something that might happen… Everything you do manage on your own gives you more confidence. After a little over a year I decided to join my local U3A and it was a very good move. I have met new friends, many of whom are on their own, and I have new interests. Nothing, however, will ever replace my beloved husband, I do wish you a more positive future, love to all.
Thank you. I googled Grief cafes and found one in the next town to me that meets up monthly. X
I’m pleased you have found a grief cafe. I joined a couple of groups and went to group couselling sessions and they did help at the time. Now I no longer need any of these groups as I have now leaned to stand on my own two feet. I have my interests such as walking both in groups and alone. I have allotments that more than keep me busy and my own garden. I dance/exercise and do yoga all of which I have done for some years. So relax and take each day as it comes and somehow you find your way and what helps you.
Good luck to you
Hi, it’s been nearly two years since I lost my wife, it would’ve been our 34th wedding anniversary last week. I find myself in much the same predicament as you in that, we did everything together and now it just seems a bit overwhelming when things need doing. My health has not been too good recently and I know if she was still here, she would be nagging me to look after myself, but without her encouragement, I tend to let things slide until they become a problem! People around me are very supportive so I’m lucky I suppose but I still miss her every day!
Hi Cath so sorry, I was in exactly the same place as you last year, my husband of 48 years died November 26th 2021! It was the worst time of my life! He’d battled Colon cancer for two years! Xmas came and went in a blur! I have a fantastic family and lovely friends who are all amazing and helped me this last year! I went back to work very quickly and glad I did! I’m quite a busy person with the gym and running and making sure I meet up with my kids or friends which has helped me! It is lonely I won’t deny that but it’s true to say time is a healer! I will miss and always love Warren he is permanently in my heart, but am looking forward not back as he would have wanted me to do, only I can do it and I will! X
Hello @Emz - firstly, you are going through a really rough time so now is the time to be gentle on yourself. I am 11 months in, so while I am glad 2022 will soon be over, I have the first anniversary of Tom’s death in January - so that hangs heavy over any sense of a new start. That day in January will be my true New Year’s Eve. For now, each day is a challenge, I know - I have been there and am still there, in so many ways. Hold tight, today is a day for a walk in the fresh air, or for a curl up on the sofa. It is a day to remember you are surviving a very difficult time, so a day to feel proud of yourself for getting to this day. Keep going, my friend, you are stronger than you think and doing far better than you may think you are. Your friends on this site are with you.
I find your post so encouraging. We have to build a life for ourselves.what else can we do.it takes amazing amounts of strength but we all can do it slowly. I too believe time is the answer and keeping busy helps too.i too was lucky to have my job to return to i think it will save me.God bless everyone on this journey and i oray for peace and contentment
Hello cath2, you are not alone. I lost my husband in August and like yours, he could turn his hand to anything. However, it’s amazing what you will find you can do, I can now bleed radiators, change car headlight bulbs and fix wheelbarrow wheels (don’t ask!) You are telling yourself correctly that you are overthinking things - we all do that too, and you have to tell yourself to try and live in the moment. IT is so very hard, but there are always people who will help if you let them. Do you have family nearby?
Hi @Kathryn39 . Thank you for your encouraging words. I only have a small family nearby, but there has been lots of offers of help from neighbours and friends. Hopefully, like you, I’ll learn how to do thise things too, i know im more practical than i give myself credit for. Xx
Cath I know exactly what you mean,my husband died in May,he was the one with all the practical skills so I panic each time something fails,but slowly I am learning and feel proud of myself and I know he is proud of me as well.