Scared and sad

My mum died in November after being diagnosed with cancer just two months before. We didn’t know how ill she was, I took her to A&E because we thought she had a chest infection. Turns out she was riddled with cancer.

The day I took her to A&E we were meant to be going to Devon to see my Grandma. It’s about a 5 hour drive from where we live. She was in her 90’s so we tried to visit as much as we could. When I arrived at my mums house to go to Devon she asked me to take her hospital. I knew she must be really poorly for her to ask me to do that and cancel our trip.

While mum was in hospital my grandma had a stroke, a very bad one and because mum was ill I wasn’t able to visit. Then mum died by which time my grandma didn’t know who anyone was, I felt it was too upsetting to visit.

My grandma died last week.

It was a blessing in the end as she had no quality of life.

My uncle phoned tonight to ask if I’d accompany him in the funeral car. Without thinking I agreed straight away. My dad (his brother) died 9 years ago and my Aunt (his sister) is very poorly with Parkinson’s dementia and in a home.

Now I’m really scared. Scared because I haven’t yet grieved for my mum and scared because I also haven’t grieved for my grandma.

What happens if it all comes out that day? I need to be strong for the rest of my family (many many cousins) and am worried I won’t be.

I’m also scared that I haven’t grieved

Is this normal?

When my dad died it was very sudden and just 7 weeks after my mother in law, which was also sudden and both unexpected. My dad was only 62 and my mother in law 69. I was distraught after they died
It took months and months and months to get over it
I was very depressed and everything was very difficult

So why now do I feel so okay???

Will I grieve? Is it normal not to grieve? I’m sad but not distraught.

Is this normal??? It’s scaring me a bit. And scaring me that one day (like at my grandmas funeral) it might just hit me when I don’t want it to.

Thank you


Oh Hammy, you are having such a terrible time.

No one expects or needs you to be strong :yellow_heart:. You are suffering, and people will recognise that.

1 Like

If it comes out. It comes out. Don’t stop it. Others will be grieving. Just remember that everyone grieves differently. There is no wrong or right way. Grieving is a personal experience that you will go through. Just be kind to yourself. There is no time limit on grief. Just one day at a time. X

1 Like

this is a lot of loss at once. let nature takes its course.

accept the feeling okay and when and if grief comes, accept it too.

these times, I think, we are not in charge. generally good to be in charge of emotion but grief is a whole other animal and must be honored. this is how I handled it, if that helps.