Scared of a day I used to look forward to

I lost my wonderful Dad 18 weeks ago. Every day since has been sheer hell and I seem to get worse every day.
It would be my Dad’s birthday next week.
My sorrow and anxiety feels as though it is building and building inside and I feel I may just burst on the day.
Taking it day by day to arrive at that day is just so frightening.
Instead of the gift buying, card writing, cake baking, there is nothing but tears and sorrow. I never thought this is where I’d be this year when I last said Happy Birthday to the most wonderful man I’ve ever known.
I don’t know whether it might be easier to just try to stay under the duvet all day and not acknowledge the day but that doesnt seem right.
I really can’t face the churchyard. Such an extreme from what I wish we were doing.
How have other people got through the 1st birthday?
I’m just so scared. I need my Dad.

1 Like

Hi Gee

I didnt acknowledge my mums birthday rightly or wrongly. I just got through the day trying not to think about it. I did the same last year on the 2nd birthday without her.

I cant celebrate her birthday when she isnt here to do so and I’m still so bitter about it.

Dont feel bad if you choose to do the same x

Hi C1971

Thank you for your reply.
I think I’ll make sure there are fresh flowers at the churchyard by putting them there a day or 2 before. I can’t face going on the day and then I think I’ll just try to get to the end of the day, I know I’ll think about him and cry as I do every day.
Like you, I’ll feel bitter. I’ll be angry and resentful too.
How I wish the day still meant what it used to - love, fun, celebration, party, excited grandkids.
My tears just flow and flow - nothing is getting any easier.
I hope you are managing to plod on.
This is hell isn’t it.

Completely xx