Scared of losing my husband too

A week ago I lost my dad to Covid. I have experienced intense grief for him, but I’ve also made a link with my husband’s ill-health. He has a heart condition, having already suffered two heart attacks. I now feel panicked that he will suddenly die too, just like my dad. I feel so fearful. Is there anyone out there who can relate to this and share their experiences with me?

Pidg, I can understand perfectly what you fear and during the past months I have often been thankful that I don’t have to worry about my soulmate because if he got it then his life would have ended and he had such a peaceful death. It sounds horrible saying that but it’s how I have felt, so yes your fear is real but try to think about better things because non of us know what the future holds. Being scared of things we have little responsibility for doesn’t help. Keep doing all the things you can to protect both of you and get the booster jabs which is very important for protection and try to relax. We don’t have a crystal ball. S xxxx

Hi Pidg, I’m really sorry to hear that you’ve lost your Dad. Yes, since my Mum died last year I’ve been (off and on) very fearful, sometimes to the point of panic about my partner, siblings remaining parent dying. Some not all of that list have serious health conditions and having lost Mum, I think it’s completely natural (if a horrible part of bereavement) to worry about my loved ones. Death is a reality not a bad dream to all of us on here so of course it life feels extremely fragile. I would say this particular feeling has come and gone for me and was much more powerful at the beginning (although everyone’s different). I would imagine you’re in shock right now. Sending hugs to you.

Hello Susie
Thank you for taking the time to reply. I am pleased that your soulmate’s life ended peacefully and that you know his end was a 'good one.

Of course your advice is sensible and I recognise that I need to stop crystal ball gazing and try to enjoy the life I have with my husband. It is something that I’m prone to do, as I do suffer with anxiety. It was something I have tried to work on in the past, with the help of a CBT counsellor. Perhaps I need to do that again xx

Thank you for sharing your experience with me Treehugger. This has been my first experience of someone really close to me dying. Although, like everyone else I know that we will all pass away, this is the first time that the feelings of real grief have hit me. As you say, life now feels very fragile. It helps to know that you have experienced similar feelings xx

I completely understand, it is so much more intense (I don’t think that word even covers it) than anything can prepare you for. I remember similar anxiety feelings with less close bereavements but I think I found it easier to not focus on them. Losing a parent is so very close. For me, I’ve found it helpful to not try and stop those feelings as they do come and go naturally but I know it can feel like a vortex sometimes xx

I have just joined today, been reading through a few posts and yours I had to reply to because I feel exactly the same. In fact only today I cried in front of my husband telling him I’m scared of losing him. I honestly think I would have to follow him because I couldn’t cope with any more grief after losing both of my parents.
I do also find though that I am more aware of my own mortality and I get just as scared of something happening to myself and him having to experience the same grief that I feel.

Hello Chez-va
Thank you for your post and for sharing how you really feel. Your thoughts really chime with mine, as I certainly feel that I couldn’t bear to live if my husband passed away. It helps to know that you feel that way too. However I keep reminding myself that none of us know what will happen in the future and perhaps I need to try to enjoy today with my husband. Everyone keeps telling me to focus upon one day at a time. It does help when I can do that, but in between times I revert to fearfulness. Sending you a hug xx