Scared

Losing a parent
#1

I recently lost my mum worst feeling ever. im not coping. My.mum didnt live with me but om too scared to stay in house on my own when it goes dark. Has anyone else experienced this

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#2

Hello @Debbiee,

I’m so sorry to hear about your mum. It sounds like you are feeling so scared right now, so I am glad you’ve reached out for support here. Everyone here has experienced the loss of a loved one and will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that may help you right now.

Take care - keep reaching out,

Seaneen

#3

I have the feeling of being scared ever since I lost my Mum, it’s very confusing and hard to figure out what exactly I am feeling anxious about. Prehaps it’s something to do with trying to learn how to live without them.

#4

Hi,

I lost my mum. A year and a half ago now. I felt the fear. Fear is a feeling that I don’t think we realise comes with grief. I’d wake up every morning shaking and so anxious and even though mum didn’t live with me either I hated being alone in the evenings. For weeks I could not sit in my living room at night times. I thinks it’s the normality of it. We fear it because what was normal will never be normal again. If that makes any sense at all.

I’m so sorry for your loss and am here to talk if you want to.

Nic xxx

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#5

Thank you for replying people think im mad and dont understand why im feeling scared i feel.like my mums presemce os in the house although im sure she wphldnt want me to feel scared maybe i just cant except shd has gone im fime diring daylight hours just when it goes dark wnen i get scared i sit on my door step

#6

Hi
I losted my mum in June this year . We lived together and now the house feels so empty without her. Iike you the evening’s and nighttime and first thing in the mornings are the worse . I have to have the radio or tv on so there is noises in the house. You are not going mad with how you feel and I understand completely what you are going through has I’m still feeling that way too. If that feeling goes away im not sure or maybe it’s something we have to learn to live with or it gets easier with time.
Gem 7 x

#7

I know what you mean about feeling her presense in your house because in the early days I lost my Mum I felt exactly the same way, I can’t explain it but I know where you are coming from.

I am now scared because I can’t feel her presense as much now but I do believe they are still around and there’s nothing to be scared of.

I think it could be the fear of the unknown possibly :woman_shrugging:

#8

Hi jess thank you for replying its the most horrible experience loosing my.mum i guess my mum was my security blanket i knew she always there for me never judge me and my best friend i just cant except she has gone and

#9

Oh @Debbiee I honestly completely understand. I lost my Mum in March and it’s one of the most hardest heartbreaking things I have ever had to endure! And I know for a fact that I’ll never get over it and I miss her so so much it hurts!

I find that writing to her about my day in a journal helps me a little and reading books about the afterlife gives me a bit of comfort.

I talk to her a lot as well, deep down I know she is listening but it is so hard not being able to see her in the flesh anymore.

I’m sorry I’m not much help but having someone who understands does help to some extent x

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#10

Jess im with you i miss my mum so so so much :cry: i dont think.ill ever get over her not being here i just wish i could pick the phone up and talk to her there are so many things i would like to say to her i told her i loved her so she knows that but what id do to just hug her again its been 6 weeks today and still all so raw x

#11

Hi gem its only been 6 weeks today since i lost my mum its still so raw and because i never went to see her in chapel i keep.thinking its not real i was with her when she died but i couldn’t face seeing her in chapel and feel so guilty but it would of given me nightmares and i was too upset :broken_heart:

#12

Hi Debbiee like you I was with my mum when she passed away suddenly it was the most awful feeling ever one minute there with you the next there gone . And I still remember that day very clearly in my head I do not think it will ever go away. I did go and see my mother in the Chapel of rest has I felt I had to say goodbye . I took my cousin with me for support which I’m glad I did because of the delays I Didn’t see my mum until 4th of August and she had died on 28th of June so she didn’t really look like mum but I did find comfort in going . I wish I could say it gets easier has time goes on but for me personally it still hurts and I miss her like mad. I hope in time it does get better for you but we all grieve differently and it will take time . X

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#13

Omg Gem thats a long time to wait go see your mum i really regret not going now but i was too traumatised by all the death events but ii have to live with not going now we only had a one day viewing window i hope my mum will understand my reasons for not going i miss her so much and just wish i could call.her :heart:

#14

Hi Debbiee
Please do not regret not going to see your mum and I’m sure she understands why you couldn’t go. It’s not for everyone I was very up and down about going and very nearly didn’t. Like you I miss my mum very much and wish I could turn back time and be with her again. Today has been one of my hard days when I struggle to do things . Tomorrow maybe different who knows that how it is at the moment a day at a time x :heart:

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#15

I didn’t go to see my mum either. I was there at the end and I did say to someone about seeing her and they said to me (which at the time was true) that I had enough images in my head without adding to them. And I decided not to go and see her. I do regret it to a degree but then I don’t know if I’d of coped as well as I thought I might do. We do what we feel is right at that time. We will always question ourselves because we didn’t do it. I don’t regret it so much now. As I know at that time I wouldn’t of been able to. I don’t know if not missing them ever goes away. We assume that they’ll always be around even though we know that’s impossible. It’s a hard and and horrible loss. Love to you all xxx

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#16

Hi nicnic
Yes you are right we do what we feel is right at the time. I felt I had to see my mum has she died suddenly and I didn’t get to say goodbye to her ,which I got to do at the Chapel of rest. I do not think I will ever get over losing my mum she is always on my mind, some days more then others. Love Gemxx

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#17

I didn’t see my Mum either as the coroners took her away for tests and she was never embalmed and the funeral directors advised me against it by the time she came back to them.

I had a reading with a medium and she told me my Mum said “that’s not me in there” and apparently she was glad I didn’t see her. So that made me feel less guilty about not seeing her.

Also I think if I did go to see her I wouldn’t have been able to get the image out of my mind.

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#18

Hi jess i suppose not seeing my mum in chapel left me with.my own visions on funeral day i kept telling myself my mum isnt in there its just an empty box the heart ache is unbearable some days i.just find myself crying at simple little things :cry: :broken_heart:

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#19

I know how you feel as I’m exactly the same. I just feel so sad all the time and don’t know what I need to do to feel better.
Sometimes I feel like I want to refuse to do anything as it all seems pointless right now.

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#20

Feeling this too :broken_heart::sob:xx