I lost my husband on the 30th November 2022. He had a stroke and just lasted 8 days. He was only 59. I thought everything will get easier as time goes but it hasn’t. I’m finding it even harder now. My son and myself haven’t even scattered his ashes. We’re both struggling and finding it really hard to even talk about what we’re going to do. Is this normal?
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Yes, there’s a lot of people here who have yet to scatter ashes, including me. Theres no right or wrong way of dealing with grief or with what you should do. When the times is right, it will feel right.
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Everything is normal in this mess we find ourselves in, when I decided what to do with my wifes ashes I told my stepson what was going to happen, there was no discussion, she was the wife that I had looked after and protected for 45 years and I would be the one to place her ashes where they would be so that my ashes would join hers when I go.
I put the ashes in a old family grave with her mother and sister,I just dug a shallow hole and poured them in, as I was doing this my stepson dug another hole and I passed him half the ashes to inter them.
It was important for me to do this, when I visit the grave I know that her remains are there because I put them there.
Whatever you decide to do with the ashes do it in a way that you have a place to visit where you know your persons remains are and you can feel close to them.
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It’s now 12 weeks since I lost my partner and have no intention of scattering his ashes. They are in a casket in my bedroom and I have told my daughters that they are to be taken with mine when I go to be scattered in an area we used to go in the woods near our home.
I talk to him all the time. Still very weepy at times but I do get some comfort having his ashes close by
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I have got my husband ashes at home in his special corner in a urn which my son arranged. My husband picture is above with candles and his memory box underneath. My husband loved spending time at home so we are going to keep him at home until I go then my son can scatter us together. Might be another 25/30 years though. I also have his ashes in a little teddy scatter tube which I will scatter when I go to a place which was special to us.
There is no hurry do it when you feel ready if ever. Big hugs xx
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I scattered some of my wife’s ashes this summer, she had asked for them to be scattered in various places. It was something that I felt was the right time and I was in the right place. Perhaps because I had a defined place(s) that she had requested. It’s brought me comfort that I have begun carrying out her wishes and relief from the anxiety of anticipation of how things would unfold in the moment. I still have to decide on somewhere for her family as the places she asked for are too far for her Mother to travel, problem is I just can’t think of one and her family have no ideas either. Something I feel will resolve itself as time goes on, No right or wrong time and all perfectly ‘normal’.
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It’s completely different for us all . To me they were not him as his soul was not in them . He said take some to donnington but not discussing anything else as he was 58 we took him all there two months after his death . It was a really wet day but the sun came out for the time we spent there and it started raining when we left . Very surreal
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