Hi,
I lost my middle son Scott on 1st January 2021, just 5 days before his 17th birthday. Forever 16 
Scott had been ill with mental health issues for a short 10 months before completing suicide on New Year’s Day.
Scott was a pro youth footballer until he was 14 then left football & turned to boxing where he became the Scottish novice champion within a year. He had just started an apprenticeship with his father as a joiner & was doing extremely well. He was popular, handsome & always wore the biggest smile. Never complained or seemed depressed, troubled at times with his own thoughts but never depressed. That day a huge part of us all died with Scott. My other 2 sons ages 25 & 14 & my step son aged 11 have struggled immensely & me & his step dad well we are in bits.
How do you even begin to move on from this…smiling or not thinking about him constantly feels so wrong & makes you feel guilty so how can you move on without our precious boy?!?
The easy answer is, I don’t know. The more complex answer is that you, like me, are Scottish, and we Scots (I am half Irish) have a way of pulling together as a gang of family and friends, and ultimately managing to re-arrange our emotions so that your loss will in time become bearable.
Now it is unbearable, because I think the loss of a child is the hardest loss of all to bear. I have a friend in that predicament too, it sounds very like yours. She is in bits and pieces, but 2 years later, she is beginning to see her way to the future.
Right now, I am living in East Yorkshire, in a house we bought together when we moved here for my husband’s job in 2006. We bought a house in Scotland together in January last year, which we agreed would be our forever home. But then COVID erupted and stopped everything. My husband died on September 15th last year, and I feel as if I have been cut in half. But I have our 3 dogs and my faith, which has been enough to see me through so far.
There are many organisations who can help you, such as SOBS https://uksobs.org/?doing_wp_cron=1617088826.1494319438934326171875, etc… You could try talking to them, and ask them to help.
Meanwhile I’m sending you a huge cyber hug, which, right now, given the distance between us, is all I can do.
Love,
Christie xxx
Hi @Sammy1
I am so deeply sorry for your loss and the circumstances, this must be so very difficult to make sense of.
I really think there is something in human phsyc that convinces us that people are always going to be there x x x x why do we believe that the ones we love are going to always be there ?
I really hope you can get all the support you need x Please go easy on yourself and your loved ones who have also lost your wonder ful boy x
I am thinking of you x