Hi everyone, hope everyone is doing as well as can be in this horrible journey!! It’s nearly 9 month since I lost my mick, 
I can’t believe it’s been that long since I heard his voice and saw his face! I keep thinking about when I saw
Him In the morgue! Of all the things to think
About!! I’ve had the most amazing councillor and currently on anti depressants, which I do find have helped me a lot!! Didn’t want to admit that but they have!! It’s true when they say grief is a rollercoaster, no day is the same, I feel like the crying is less and less now! Then I feel guilty for not crying!! Ridiculous behaviour isn’t it!!! The initial guilt has also gone where I blamed myself for not getting to
Him sooner! Was literally nothing I could have done and i accept that now!!! If I can overcome some of these feelings, there’s hope for others, I never ever thought in a million years I’d of stop blaming myself!!
Thanks for your words of hope @Ang5
I am pleased you are not feeling so guilty about things I’m sure you had little or no control over. It is for all of us a hideous rollercoaster to ride but I hope in time I will start to feel the road is a bit less bumpy.
I think I’m a long way from feeling like things are just not getting worse, but it is good to hear that things do ease a little with time and some good support.
Take care of yourself xx
@roni52 hope your ok, I think one of the things for me too is we never lived together, for all I had known him over 20yr, we had only been in a relationship for 4yr, my heart sinks when I read people’s stories of how long theyve been married etc that person with you every day at home!! And then suddenly they’re not there I’ve never had that so I don’t miss him that way, that might sound awful for me to say it’s took a very long 8 month to finally see he’s never coming back and I’ve had to adjust my life without him, for all we never lived together, I was with him everyday, even just to go for a coffee, I miss them little things, he took me to work and picked me back up, now I make my own way home, was so scary at first but I’ve adjusted life is very cruel and seems to be the wrong ones who go! Counselling massively helped me, talking to a total stranger and offload my feelings! Some of the things I said felt wild in my head but she made me feel like it was normal, not sure if that’s something you can try, I found this group very helpful too, everyone feels the same and it’s horrible hopefully things improve for you, just one day at a time, 