It was 2 years yesterday that my mum died in my arms after suffering a massive brain stem stroke. I miss her so much, I have always lived at home and taken care of my mum in her later years. I seem to miss her more and more as the years pass, as we did so much together. Will I ever feel any better?
Hi and welcome to the Sue Ryder Online Community. I’m so sorry to hear about the death of your mum. Anniversaries are always a difficult time, and it is natural that you miss her very much.
There is no set timeline on grief, but it is not unusual to still feel this way after two years. Some Sue Ryder research suggested that the average amount of time to feel better is over two years, but everyone is different. Most people say that it does get better with time - that, although, grief doesn’t ever totally go away, you grow around your grief and find ways to move forward with your life. As you lived with your mum and were her carer, it sounds as though she was a huge part of your life, and it is understandable that this may be a slow process.
I’m glad that you’ve found this site, as many of our users find that it helps a bit to have this space to be open about their feelings and talk to others who understand. You should get some supportive replies soon, but, in the meantime, you may wish to reply to some other people with similar situations, for example:
Mokii also lost their mum after living with her and being her carer: https://support.sueryder.org/community/coping-death-loved-one/my-mummy#post-7017
D is also coping with the loss of their mum several years on: https://support.sueryder.org/community/coping-death-loved-one/complicated-grief-0
Do you have supportive friends or other family members to talk to? Have you had any sort of counselling or bereavement support since losing your mum? Your GP would be able to refer you to something, or you could contact Cruse Bereavement, who offer a helpline, one-to-one support and support groups (0808 808 1677 or firstname.lastname@example.org).
Hi - I’m so sorry to hear that you lost your mum. I too lost my mum in March of this year. I feel absolute shock and pain. I cared for my mum for five months after she was diagnosed with cancer and it was terrible to watch her decline.
We all only have our memories now and they really are a precious gift. Be strong - there’s people out there who really care.
Hi. Thanks for taking the time to reply. Some days I am totally overwhelmed with grief, my mum loved the garden and at this time of year (Spring) her garden was ablaze with azaleas, so as I struggle to keep it as she liked it, I find myself missing her more than ever. I am sorry about your loss, mum’s are precious and cannot be replaced.
Another one who’s mum loved the garden. I lived with her and we used to garden together. I miss her terribly when I am out there tidying it up and looking at the plants she put in. It has been just over nine months for me and a long hard slog getting through the winter.
My real regret is Mum wanted to sit in the garden when she was ill and wasn’t strong enough to walk out there. I wish i had gone against the physiotherapists and carried her out there somehow even for an hour or so. I used to pick flowers so i could take the garden to her as an alternative.
Agree the loss is overwhelming some days.
Hi Mel. Sorry to hear about your mum, I understand completely about feeling close to your mum whilst in the garden, I spent the who,e of yesterday looking after my front garden as mum loved the azaleas here, which are now in full bloom, I find myself talking to her as I work in the garden and somehow it helps ease the pain. Continue to pick flowers and put them by your mums chair, I do that now 2 years down the line and feel she is still with me in spirit! Keep your chin up