Second Christmas without my mum.

This will be my second Christmas without my wee mum.
She passed away in October 2021. And my first Christmas I was made to celebrate by my now ex abusive narcissistic partner and his narcissistic mother. Who told me that I need to get on with things and I need to do it for my kids. I did do it for my kids, but he and his mother invited 12 of their relatives to the house where I had to prepare all the food etc. My dad came aswell but he felt the same as me, it was too much, for us to be dealing with.
Now this year i have my own flat and my children will be staying with me on Christmas eve til 12 noon on Christmas day, when their dad will come and pick them up to take them to his house to celebrate Christmas with his side of his family. And I will be left on my own, I have asked my dad to come over to mine, but he is saying he just wants to be in his own house himself.
I don’t know what to do. I really want my mum. I miss her so much, the day she died half of me died also. I Don’t even want to put any decorations up, but I know I have to for my children.

Dear @Pettikjp

Welcome to the Community, I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your mum.

Christmas is always very hard when a loved one has died as it is a time that families come together. What would your mum do at Christmas? Did she love it? If she did carry on with how your mum would have celebrated it, for example go bigger and better. Is there a tradition your mum started that you could continue on with and that tradition would then pass down to your children. You could start a new tradition of your own.

Cruse Bereavement have an article on Christmas which would be worth reading along with Coping with Grief at Christmas and Ways to Remember Someone at Christmas

As you are on your own at Christmas after the children have gone to their dads, if you are up to it, I would go and see you dad and surprise him and you could talk about the Christmases you celebrated with your mum and even look at photos together. Does your dad have a garden? you could plant a plant or small tree in remembrance of your mum.

I do hope the above information will be of help and support to you, please continue to reach out and take care.