I lost my wife 10 months ago after 37 glorious years and feel a little guilty as I have had some good days lately I am scared that this should not be happening so I tried a little music which I have stayed away from since her passing and the tears just flowed this made me feel better it’s strange but I don’t want to feel good is this bad or what should it be so I know how you feel when you remember those small things keep them dear to you
Hello Sibo
I hope you’ve felt a bit of respite from the distress over the last few days. I lost my Husband 24 months ago, I was 51.I understand a lot of the things you describe. I just wanted to say thanks for your reply and that I’m sending you compassionate thoughts. It’s dreadfully hard, I read that you pray, so I’m thinking you believe in eternal life? I do, but its still so difficult isn’t it. Take care.
I believe very strongly in eternal life Tina. It helps up to a point but losing the physical presence of my husband is awful. I still can’t take it in. I’ve had a bit of respite over the past few days but I had a bad night & today I woke up feeling very fragile in my heart. Tears are surfacing very readily.
Hello Veda. I hope you feel more settled as the day goes by. It’s awful waking up in such a state. I’m like that myself. I recall you said you haven’t used anti-depressants. Neither have I, for the same reasons you mention. I am scared of how they’d affect me, where they’d lead and of not knowing my own mind. I know people though who swear by them so I wouldn’t condemn the tablets, it’s just that they scare me. You’ve had and are having such a difficult time it’s hardly surprising you are feeling so fragile. Don’t be frightened when you read of people (myself included) that seem to be struggling for such a long time after their loss because it doesn’t mean you will. I think a lot depends on a person’s existing personality and life experience before the loss too. Don’t let your mind wander any further than today. As hard as that is. I hope today goes on better than it started, love Tina x
I appreciate your reply Tina. Im praying that the deep feelings of physical loss get better with time. I saw my GP and she advised me against taking anti depressants at present and allow the grief. Its just the overwhelming pain when ever i realise the full extent of my loss. i do get some respite when friends and family visit me. I was dependent on my husband’s constant daily presence/ support and vice versa. He died while we were on holiday and i was planning on returning there soon, however of late i fear doing that as it will bring back that dreadful night when he passed away. This is the hardest pain ive had to deal with. God will help I trust. I wish to attend a place where i can talk with other people experiencing the same, any suggestions.
What a kind & loving message Tina. It doesn’t really frighten me that I probably won’t recover from such a nightmare as this. I don’t believe I will. Each day I want to die. There is no real purpose. I have lost heart with people. Most of them are completely uncompassionate. My family are all out of my life. I’m lost with it all. I want to go to Jesus. I’ve had many years of enormous struggles in my life starting when I was eight years old. It’s been dreadful since Brian & I returned to the UK. Just one awful problem after another culminating in my darling leaving me. Then my school friend who had dementia was moved miles away without them telling me. I used to visit her in the hospital three times a week. Suddenly she was gone too. Another grief. Then I got a detached retina & I had to have an operation. I am lonely beyond belief.
I’ve been through so much & not turned to tablets. There’s no way I will take them. I gave up smoking cold turkey some years ago & I gave up alcohol in the same way nearly 3 years ago so I’m certainly not replacing that with tablets unless I take a bottle full. They won’t bring my darling back. Thank you again Tina.
It’s anazing that your doctor told you not to take the tablets. That makes a refreshing change. She must be a good doctor. They dole them out like sweets these days thinking that they’re the answer to every problem. Where are you Sibo?
Hi Chris,
Life is so cruel. The small things hurt. I found an old wallet of his in a drawer. There were little notes I had left him when we were both working. I came across our love letters the other day. They were written in our first year of meeting.Thats nearly fifty years ago. It’s a long time since I read them. I can’t go there yet. I’ve still got his phone and found a pic of him his work mate took. He was such a strong healthy man, even up to 12 months ago. My big strong man who had everything to live for. I’m still angry about the unfairness of it. But it has only my been eleven weeks. I keep going because I’m convinced there is an afterlife and every day brings me nearer to being with the only man I ever loved.
Hugs,
Sandy
Hi Chris,
Life is so cruel. The small things hurt. I found an old wallet of his in a drawer. There were little notes I had left him when we were both working. I came across our love letters the other day. They were written in our first year of meeting.Thats nearly fifty years ago. It’s a long time since I read them. I can’t go there yet. I’ve still got his phone and found a pic of him his work mate took. He was such a strong healthy man, even up to 12 months ago. My big strong man who had everything to live for. I’m still angry about the unfairness of it. But it has only my been eleven weeks. I keep going because I’m convinced there is an afterlife and every day brings me nearer to being with the only man I ever loved.
Hugs,
Sandy
Hi Sandra,
Thanks for your reply. These small personal things are the worst. It’s a year since we got Paul’s diagnosis of brain tumour and there was nothing could be done . He died in January. I still can’t believe these words, even as I write them, it all feels so unreal and happening to someone else.
I sometimes forget for a moment that it’s happened to me , it seems impossible, as you say, he was strong and fit.
Sorry to be so negative but I feel I can just off load here.
Many hugs ,
Chris
Good afternoon
Just read your message I agree it is a different world when you lose your one and only true love. I loss my beutiful wife to cancer sometime ago and yet it like yesterday. My Patricia always always said Bryan “You’ll never WALk alone” and as each day passes I believe those words. Also in every room I have Patricia’s photo.
Talking to people who have experienced a loss similar to yours outside of the family helps, no disrespects to ones family,
I just thought I would send this message to you, I sincerely hope that you will have reasonable days ahead.
That’s all for now hope to hear from you in the near future.
Bryan
Hello just read your message, I lost my wife 2years ago in April, my wife Paticria was the only girl in my life, I had just come from two and a half years in the Middlle East in Iraq and Jordan, in decided to start dancing and went to a dancing school I meet Patricia on the first day, she was seventeen and a half, I would have married after two weeks. Her Dad said we had to wait, we got engaged when she was eighteen. was
like a dream come true. We had been together for 58 years, Patricia had cancer and near the end told me Bryan “You’ll NEVER walk a alone. I believe in those words everyday.
Well Sandra I sincerely hope you have some reasonable days head, I would like hear how you are these days.
Remember you are never alone because you beloved is always with you day and night.
That’s all for now, Bryan
Hi Bryan, I’m struggling to come to terms with losing Phil .He was my one and only love, he was such a gentleman and so affectionate
I miss his hugs more than anything… it has only been 11 weeks . Seems longer.
My family are good, we’ve booked a trip to the highlands next year.Phils favourite place. I’m sure he 'll be with us. Most days I just try to keep busy, but there’s only so much you can do. The dark nights don’t help and the thought of winter ahead. He always locked up at night, 50 years is a long time to be with someone. I know I will never recover from this loss,
But will carry on til my turn comes to be with him again,
Take care,
Sandy
Hi Bryan. I am sorry you lost your lovely Patricia two years ago, and I know it is devastating. I lost my Barrie two and a half years , and it is still very raw, although sometimes there is a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel. Barrie was my life we had been married for 41 years and had no children and although I have a very supportive siblings nothing will replace what I have lost as I am sure you probably feel the same. We don’t walk alone but it seems like it.
Look after yourself Bryan and a big hug sometimes it helps. Try to keep smiling.
Chrissy
Good morning Chrissy
It was so good to receive your message email, if I may, I will reply later, I have a few jobs to do today, I promise not to be Boring or too Morbid when I mention my life with my fantastic Patricia.
In the mean time, take care because good people are in short supply.
Bryan
Good Morning Bryan. Thank you for replying to my note and enjoy your day. I do some volunteering today so will be a bit busy also but look forward to hearing from you. You look after your self and don’t work to hard. Chrissy
Good evening Sandy
Thanks for your email message it brings some relief when you receive a message from a person who has experienced the loss of their one and only love.
My wife Patricia was my one and only girl friend and a really exceptional very good friend, Patricia went to heaven in April 2016 I remember the date and time like it was yesterday. I have her photos around the bungalow so we are always together.
However as you know it is the simple everyday things that occur, like the empty seat at the meal table, saying good night/good morning, going for a walk although I still go and walk our favour pathways and along the way I will have a chat with Patricia, sometimes I get strange looks from other people as they pass, that does not brother me.
I keep busy as much as possible, in the last hours that Patricia was with me she made me promise to look after myself like washing and eating, also to keep the bungalow clean and polished and look after the garden
Patricia was on chemo for four and a half years and had a colostomy which required a lot of attention. Near the end the family Doctor wanted her to go into hospital I could not except that and after a long discussion he agreed to a hospital bed to be place next the our bed in our bedroom, again it was 24 hours requirement and yet I would not want it any other way, it was a opportunity for me to care for her after all years she spent looking after me which I will always be thankful of.
Well Sandy that’s enough about me, how are you coping these days with your changing world, yes you are right Sandy 50 years is a long time to be with someone and pull together through our lives, I sincerely believe that with God’s help we will pull through until as you say till our turn comes to join our love ones in heaven.
Well Sandy I hope I have not been too boring and morbid. and that I could send another email message in the future.
Take good care of yourself Sandy and always remember our love ones are always with us 24 hours a day looking after our welfare come rain and sunshine.
Good night and God bless you. Bryan
Bryan, I loved your post about Patricia - she sounds beautiful. I particularly love that you feel free to speak out loud to her when you’re out and about - I have a friend who does this too. I, (who have never been known for being a paragon of mental stability anyhow 
) must learn to have that level of boldness. Occasionally, an out loud statement does emerge in supermarkets etc.
Louise
Good evening Chrissy
Many thanks for last email message. The jobs I had to do was cleaning, polishing, and windows in our bungalow, you see Chrissy in the last few hours when Patricia was here with me she made me promise to do those jobs cleaning, polishing and clean the windows then also take care of myself, well it is a promise I have to keep until my turn comes to join her.
By the way how did your volunteering go which a worthwhile position these days because so any people need support. In the last years before I retired I was a tutor at the local College helping with learning for their jobs and in some cases a job, I was a very satisfying position to see their faces when had achieved their aim.
Well Chrissy the first chat is how have you been keeping, I assume that you take care of your self the best you can, like good eating, reasonable level of sleep and if at all possible a little walking which is good for you.
With my C O P D I do exercises almost every morning on the floor and then I force myself to go for a walk subject to our friend the weather. Also I try which is not always easy to keep busy because then my mind is occupied with no bad thoughts.
Also I chat with Patricia and chat about our fantastic any wonderful years together,
she was my one and only girl friend and never wanted anybody else.
This morning as the Flying Scotsman made a visit to our area I went this morning
and stood by the rail track, it was a fantastic sight, when you think that she built 100 years ago and the engineering that was involved with all the moving external parts not like the present day locos.
Well Chrissy I will stop rabbiting on and say good night don’t forget take good care of yourself, I hope you have a restful night and wake up fresh for another day,
remember our love ones are always with. Good night and God bless. bryan
Good Morning Bryan
Thanks for your reply, much appreciated.
I get on Ok at my volunteering its mainly admin, but I enjoy being with the ladies and getting out of the house and of course helping others were I can.
Cleaning and polishing is good therapy and satisfactory, I am pleased to hear you still help with the housework. My Barrie did when he could but that got a bit difficult in the last year, we were living in Spain at the time which he thoroughly enjoyed and I am pleased to say it was his dream and he lived it to the full.
I am keeping fine really but I must admit I don’t walk to often. On saying that I am going to Wales for 4 days with my Sister and she loves walking so I will be doing plenty and hopefully get into the habit of doing more.
I think when you just smell the steam engine it brings back youthful memories. I hope to go on the railway to Snowdonia, something I have always wanted to do.
Thank you once again and take care of yourself also I am sure Patricia would be very proud of you. Buy Chrissy