It’s 19 months since my husband of almost 50 years had a sudden massive heart attack. Right in front of me . I’ve struggled ever since . Finding this second year almost unbearable. Doing all the correct things to help myself , leaning in to my grief , seeing a councillor, meeting friends & family that I’m so lucky to have around me . On antidepressants I’ve also suffered with depression most of my adult life , which he always helped me with . I miss him so much . I just don’t know where to turn next .
1 Like
Hi @leonoel1953. I’m so sorry you lost your husband and find yourself on this site and struggling.
Life is difficult for us grievers isn’t it - time helps in some ways but I think the grief is always just waiting on the sidelines waiting to spring on us at any moment. Keep doing what you are doing - it might not feel like to at the moment but hopefully things will get better for you in time. Someone told me it would be 3 years until I started to feel like my feet were back on the ground. Keep posting on here as you will hopefully get some good support and understanding. I have no answers unfortunately, but can offer an ear to listen and some support and understanding. Just one day at a time is all we need to do. Xxx
Hi it will be two and a half years next month since my husband died and although to outsiders I appear to be coping I’m not. I miss him so much and still can’t believe he has gone. I’m not sure I will ever fully recover but want to try and enjoy whatever time I have left. Although I have no joy in my life at present. I’m sorry @leonoel1953 that your husband has died and I hope things improve for you given more time. We are all trying our best but fall short at times. It must have been awful for you seeing your husband having a heart attack. My husband took ill and was in hospital five weeks then came home and died nearly three weeks later. He was a shell of himself when he died. It was horrendous for us all to watch him deteriorate like that. I think he must have been so scared and that haunts me. I like you was with my husband just short of fifty years and it would have been our fiftieth wedding anniversary the year after he died and I feel cheated of that. I wish you well and I’m on here every couple of days if you need to get things out.X
@leonoel1953 just past the two year mark on 9th july. I too watched my childhood sweetheart have massive heart attack. Watch my daughter give her mum CPR. To no avail 4 hours later, in A&E looking at her lifeless body. As i have posted this is a work in progress, you cannot be with the same person for 43yrs then loose them there is always going to be a black hole. The hardest thing to cope with is when you are ill or life is throwing bricks at you. As just knowing they where there use to give me strength to plough on. I am now trying to figure out a way to do this on my own, without loosing the person i once was. Stay safe Allen
1 Like
Hi Leonoel,
Welcome to the community and thank you for reaching out 
.
There is no timeline on grief and 19 months is no time at all after 50 years together especially with the circumstances of the death!
One thing my Councillor told me after my Dad passed away was imagine you are a big tree and a big hole has been cut out of the trunk, that hole will always be there but the tree will grow new branches!
Speak with your GP, maybe your medication could be adjusted? Your surgery might also have a social practitioner you can speak with and put you in touch with local groups.
Remember it’s ok to feel sad but try to keep the Pendulum of the clock swinging by remembering the happy memories and celebrating the positives in a day!
Take care