Seeking hope

It’s been just over three weeks since my husbands battle with cancer ended. I had the privilege to be by his side for the 18 months from diagnosis to care for him especially as things progressed.
Since he passed, I’ve just felt like a spare part. I took voluntary redundancy from my career in December to give him the more care he needed. I was 24/7 dedicated and suddenly I lost my purpose and my love.
Never having children, the house is so quiet and being only 42 and having moved back to our home county (his way of taking care of me), I’m feeling like I’ve lost everything. I feel numb, cannot sleep, have little enthusiasm although I push myself to throw myself in to things. His funeral is this Friday and I fear once that final milestone is complete I’m going to be floundering.


Hello @empowell it sounds like your timelines are similar to mine. I lost my wife 3 weeks ago today. I never sleep on the Friday night / Saturday morning as that is when I was with her when she passed. Although not identical to your situation I have been off work since Feb and we’re expecting mid-April for the funeral (complications). I went from constant care for my wife to zero in the passing of a final breath and like you I’m completely lost. If I’ve heard one person tell me you’re early in the process, it’ll take time, hang in there and I know its said with the best intent but it gets a bit awkward when I say I simply want to be with my wife. I am due to return to work at the end of April, I’m not sure if I will but I suspect I’ll give it a try. I work on distractions to gain a little peace but when you suddenly have a trigger event the depth of sadness is unbearable. I realise this sounds incredibly negative, I don’t mean it to be, more a reflection of where I am at in the journey. I’m just thinking about ways of handling this, imagining my wife is simply in another place and I will see her again. It’s a start. I’m sorry for your loss but hope things improve in time (see even I’m saying it!). Kevin.


It is such early days for both of you to be even trying to think beyond putting one foot in front of the other. I know it may sound like a Clichy but it’s true.
I am 12mths further on and it’s only at this point for me that I am now trying to figure out a way towards a new/different life. It all takes time and a lot of patience and self love


Kevin, thank you. Not negative more in fact comforting in some way that these feelings and experiences are by no means unique.
I feel your pain and I hope that someday we will get more comfort from triggers rather than distress. I’ve done the stereotypical be positive and show strength, as I feel guilty when wallowing in sadness. But damn it’s difficult at times.
I’m sad that there’s delays for your wife’s funeral and I wish you all the best for your grief journey. If thinking ahead to the end of April returning to work is too daunting, just look at tomorrow. What little win can you get from tomorrow?! My little win yesterday was unpacking moving boxes in my husbands office and making it an office for him. Despite knowing he will never use it, it made me feel good that I did something for him. X


Thank you Lyn. It’s difficult not to give yourself a hard time when expectation of others is so great. Your words mean a lot x


deepest condolences. you will flounder and grieve and feel lost and I think we have to endure it because we have to go over the mountain, not around it.

it is a terrible loss for a young age.i imagine that you want a game-plan, for life after an unexpected loss. counseling may help you with that.

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Im so sorry for your loss its so very hard going through this i lost husband suddenly just 2 days before Christmas and can’t get my head round it He was happy we got away to spain to celebrate Christmas then gone that night Im ok some times of the day then suddenly it hits like a thunder bolt Ive lost both parents at 28 but this is so very hard after being together since 15 for 40 years

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I’m so sorry to hear this my darling. Sending you all the love and strength to get you through. I have no words of wisdom, just that some days are easier than others. Thank you for taking the time to leave a comment. Xxx

Thankyou So much for being there its a terrible journey we all are going through would never wish this on anyone Im just really feeling like everyone else so so lost Have a son Thank goodness that stays with me but hate to say this were both grieving different and i can get so angry thinking he has got over this nightmare so quickly ( both we’re there watching my husband pass so quickly with Aortic aneurysm) trying to help not knowing what ws happening Then when he breaks down i can’t help his pain apart just being there for him whilst crying for us both Truthfully would not be here apart from him and my dog that my husband loved and called his wee girl Thankyou so much for being there im just so lonely and lost most times

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Feel for you all. I lost the love of my life 5 weeks ago after 42 years together. I have support from family and friends but no one can ever take the pain and loneliness away.
Like you his funeral is Friday and I dont know how I’ll carry on afterwards. I promised my husband I’d be ok and somehow that promise will get me through although I don’t know how. I suppose its what everyone says, one day at a time.
It does help to talk to others going through the same thing, you dont feel quite so alone

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