Seem to be going backwards

I lost my husband of 43 years last December on the 10th.
I’ve had to deal with so much since he died, I had no family in the UK to support me. I was left with a lot of debt due to his alcoholism and had to sell my lovely little house that I loved. I’m now in the US with my son and Grandson, the place I’ve always wanted to be and the people I’ve wanted to be with for the last 14 years.
I’m so sad, can’t stop crying. I just don’t understand how I’ve managed to end up so depressed and anxious. I really was getting so much better with my anxiety but now feel like I’ve hit rock bottom again and feel scared I’m not going to get out of these awful feelings.

Dear Mos,
I can’t help thinking that you are suffering from a delayed reaction. We lost our daughter suddenly, six months ago, so our situation’s different but the shock and pain are the same.
With no support, and many complications to deal with, you haven’t had proper time to begin to grieve yet. There isn’t a set pattern to this process, we have bad days, worse days and days when things almost begin to feel normal (whatever that is) for a few hours.
The slightest thing sets us off, separately or together but we have the good fortune to have each other still, although we both now live with the fear of another loss. This is the price we pay for love, as the cliché has it. But it’s only trite because it’s true.
I understand the fear and anxiety because I live with it daily but I do believe that one day it will be possible to look back on the good times and have new pleasures in our lives. The sadness will still be there but tempered by the joy you find in being with your beloved son and grandson. You’re clearly a strong woman, to have dealt with all the complications of the last months. Be gentle with yourself now that you can take time to draw breath, don’t expect too much of yourself. The effort you’ve had to put in to make all these arrangements hasn’t given you time for yourself, so now you’re feeling as if you’re back where all this began. I believe you will cope, given time.
I wish you peace
J xxx

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Thank you Jeannie
I am sorry to hear of your loss too. We all need time to reflect and grieve, no easy way to do it. Oh how I wish I had a magic wand to make everything seem some kind of normal again.
Wishing you all the very best x

Dear mos, all the changes you have faced since losing your husband has probably started up your anxieties again, I lost my husband on December 18th and after 6 months I thought I was coping and seeing some light, but my sister died last weekend, she was my rock when I lost my husband and now I feel I have gone right back to that awful day, I just don’t want to do anything, even walking my dog is an effort, I avoid people when I’m out, as I just keeping bursting in to tears, like you I’m scared these feelings won’t ever leave me, I don’t know if I have the energy to climb out of this hole again. Take care Jan

Oh my goodness, At least I can feel relieved I’m not alone with my feelings. Brian passed in November and there was plenty to keep me occupied in the first months even though I was brokenhearted.
Thought I was finding some sort of acceptance. Then I had a health scare and I have never been ill before so it hit me hard especially as I was alone and didn’t have Brian to help me, my best friend and rock. Family support but not the same. It sent me crashing back downhill again. Just like some of you. Bursting into tears even in company, when shopping, out walking. I avoid people also, don’t answer the phone if I don’t want to speak to anyone. I’m scared also as I have no idea how long I am going to feel like this. People say it will get better but I am beginning to doubt this. I’ve always been a strong person and don’t recognise myself and feel pretty useless. Don’t know what the future holds, don’t know if I want to move or not, Don’t know if I want to stay and spend money on the house, not that it needs it particularly. Someone asked me yesterday what I did with my dogs when I went on holiday. Brian and I travelled but I can’t even imagine wanting to go away without him now. Yes, just to feel normal again would be wonderful.
Pat xxxx

Grief isn’t a straight line thing Mos. We have good days, down days and bad days.
When we think we’re doing fine something happens or someone says something that sets us off. It doesn’t even have to be connected but our subconscious mind joins the dots. I don’t know what to say to help because we all feel the same way but reading posts from others tells me I’m not alone.
Talk to anyone who will listen, I’ve found it helps to attend ch

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Grief isn’t a straight line thing Mos. We have good days, down days and bad days.
When we think we’re doing fine something happens or someone says something that sets us off. It doesn’t even have to be connected but our subconscious mind joins the dots. I don’t know what to say to help because we all feel the same way but reading posts from others telols me I’m not alone.
Talk to anyone who will listen, I’ve found it helps to attend church, and keep visiting this site.

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Dear Jan. I’m so sorry you have lost your sister so soon after the loss of your husband. The only reason I left my house each day after my husband had died was to walk the dog but I also avoided people. Twice in the last couple of days I’ve cried when I’ve spoken to people who have asked if my husband is over here with me, but they have understood.
As a lady who private emailed said to me, let yourself grieve, lie on thd sofa and have a cry. Don’t be hard on yourself, I’m sutd if we give it time we’ll start to see that light again. Take care M x

Pattidot. You’re certainly not alone in your feeling. How we all wish we weren’t in this situation, the sadness and anxiety is awful.
I’m hoping I’ll get through this and find some relief.
I hope you’ll also find a positive light, things will never be the same for any of us again but there will be a better time for us all.
My best wishes to you Mx

Carl, thank you for your kind words. Yes we are certainly not alone in dealing with our loss, we all need support and I’m hoping that sharing feelings on here will help us all. Friends and family all mean well, but until you are in this situation it’s very hard to really understand.
My best wishes to you M x

I’m just not suren can do this again, after my husband died I through myself into renovation projects round the house to distract me, I spoke to my sister every day and she encouraged me to go out and do things, now she has gone and I feel no motivation to do anything, I am going on holiday in 2 weeks with my children and grandchildren and I just know I am going to be such awful company, I don’t feel like enjoying myself and pretending I’m fine, I had come so far now I’m back where I started take care Jan x

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