Two years on and it still seems like yesterday. I can’t begin to to tell you how much I miss him but then you all know this pain and heartache I’m feeling so I don’t have to.
I feel this last year I haven’t been able to grieve properly. This past year my mum has suffered with her anxieties really bad and at one point I was being phoned all hours of the night and ended up in a&e three nights on the trot with her and I had 6 hours sleep in one week there were two days when I hadn’t had a change of clothes a wash cleaned my teeth taken my blood pressure tablets and was beginning to feel quite poorly myself and you know I wasn’t bothered because I remember thinking well if I die I will get to see Rob again .
Needless to say I am through all of that and my mum has had to go into permanent care which I’m now feeling really guilty about because I feel if I could have coped better she may still be living independently . But I was beginning to breakdown myself and I was feeling as if I had completely forgotten about Rob and I just couldn’t stand it no longer .
This face I had been putting in for the kids was beginning to crumble and I didn’t want that because when I was on a very dark road and having professional help I managed to shield the kids from that and they never knew or if they did they never said anything .This last year is all a blur . I do think though if Rob was here he would say she needs to be in a home where she can be taken care of 24/7 .
Just another day when I just wish my rock was by my side
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Kazzer
So sorry to hear of all the stress you have been under.
I have been struggling to deal with the death,of my darling husband nearly two years ago and I haven’t had the extra stress you have so I send you best wishes, I’m sure your mother is in the best place to receive the help she needs.
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Carol9 thank you so much . Yes it has been such a struggle
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