Seems to be getting worse?!

So , here I am , home from Mums after cleaning sorting out meds the list goes on :disappointed:
Got into the car the tears started to roll ? Got into the house sat on the floor where he was and cried my heart out :pleading_face: I have never done that before and really can’t explain why? Feel like I am losing the plot !!

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Hello .MrsT1.
You are not losing the plot my dear. There must be loads of people on here who have had pretty much the same experience. It is all part of grief and is a bit of a release even if it doesn’t seem like it at the time. I sobbed so hard one day, I made myself sick!
Just go with it. Grief has to come out for your sanity, but don’t feel you are losing it. You are acting much the way we all are and you are not alone. Big comforting virtual hug!
Ann xx


Oh no MrsT1. Never losing the plot. No way! Our emotions go up and down like Yo Yos’ Up one day down the next. It also depends on our physical condition. If we have a cold or something similar we can feel down and emotions come to the surface so easily. Have a good cry. So what! It does relieve tension. well that’s what I have found. It’s very good that you can release your emotions. So many ‘bottle up’ which is not at all good for one’s mental health. There is so much going on in our minds in grief that to look for causes is futile. If permitted can I give you a virtual hug too? John.

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Thank you x just seems endless … x

Thanks , and thank for the hug x. As I said this all feels so endless! I feel physically and emotionally exhausted. I have a few ‘ good days’ ( if you can call them that) then boom a major meltdown . Today’s was off the scale!!

Hi MrsT1 – this grief is so tricky. One day you think u have got it together and then just crash and the tears start again-Yes it is so exhausting physically, emotionally and mentally but we are grieving and not just going mad! though I wonder sometimes! Take care x

certainly not losing the plot, I’ve experienced the tsunami of tears plenty of times, i think its evidence of how deeply we love our lost ones. One evening i was in the car in such a bad mood over nothing, i was literally sat there screaming with all of my breath. if anyone had seen me😱

I think we just have to go with it, let it out then continue as best as we can otherwise i think we would be accessing services of a different kind

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Thank you, done it again today! Driving home from Mums then boom just crying my eyes out in the car at the traffic lights!! The guy next to was staring at me , I love okey at him and he looked aau pronto ! I must off looked like a lunatic :disappointed:

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glad you made it home despite the difficult journey. we need windscreen wipers on our eyes nowadays.

I went to my mums for tea but ate separately from the family as I didnt want to ruin their meal as also having a very weepy day. My mum shouted to ask if I need more salt, I said no because I didnt but maybe it was because I’d literally been crying hard into the dish for minutes. Maybe soon i can stop buying salt and save some money!! Also i sat next to the window with light on in the dark and curtains open, anyone walking past prob thought I was a nutter too sitting alone crying into a bowl of chilli in the glow of the neighbours extravagant Xmas lights (well probably I am, I’ve crossed quite some new territory lately). Stopped crying now as feeling numb again with the double dose right now. Hope you all get some sleep. Big hug to you MrsT1

Awwww bless you xx
I had a follow up appointment at the Gp today!
I usually suffer from low iron apparently now my calcium is very low?
More blood tests👍🏻
I have pains in my chest , numbness in my hands and also in my left cheek and lips, tingling in my forehead and in my hairline?
Excruciating pains in my legs , tightness around my stomach and tops of my arms!!
Think the Gp was a bit overwhelmed with what I told him then broke down and sobbed like a baby :pleading_face:
I hate showing signs of weakness to anyone!
No reassurance, just we need to do more blood test and work through everything
I said well , my husband had no heart issues and he’s no gone ! My family have AF , and I’m scared, no reassurance just let’s wait !
Just feel so alone, scared and helpless!!xxxx

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I don’t seem to be able to post on here ! You have my number x

Hi Ruth,

Sorry about that last message :disappointed:

I got myself all upset listening to music xx

Please ignore it hope you’re having a better day,

Take care , Louise x

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I’ve also done the crying whilst driving, even had a meltdown in Asda as I saw the mum Christmas cards, once those tears come they come and it doesn’t matter where you are, I’m getting used to the tsunamis at home but the ones out in public are something else. This grief thing doesn’t have any boundaries does it x

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Hello @MrsT1 I have also been listening to music today and yesterday, sometimes it upsets me and sometimes it’s a great comfort. I’ve also started listening to some of “my” music and not just René’s. Though his music feels like mine too now and I hope I never forget it,

In case you want to share any you are listening to there is a music thread in this forum (I will try to edit this post in a minute with the link). If you do feel like joining in on that thread you can either post the youtube link or write the song title and one of us will put it there for you.

Your GP sounds not very sympathetic, we don’t ask for much do we but it’s a sorry state of affairs when someone with all that training in healing can’t show some humanity… it makes so much different and I am sorry he was not more comforting. At least it’s good you go for blood tests as maybe they will tell you something useful one way or the other than can lead you towards treating these horrible pains.

I hope one day to speak to you and others on here as I treasure these interactions, I am just not strong enough yet to jump from this little world where I am totally disgustingly and embarrassingly honest into speaking in a real life phone (especially where my mum may hear since I am trying to maintain some kind of normality to her to not upset her so much as i know she is very upset for me already).

I slept until around 8 due to dear Aunty Valium but had a horrific nightmare and woke myself up by crying thick tears and screaming, I also unfortunately woke my mum up who was immediately panicking and crying herself then… I haven’t dreamt much (maybe at all) since the day in October so this was new.
I was at work ((René always picked me up and I always looked forward to seeing his car there, he was never late). I came out but he wasn’t there so I kept phoning him and he was saying I must be at the wrong entrance so I was running around and around but could never find him, then a dog was chasing me and I was begging him to pick me up and wondering why he wasn’t there like normal but I never found him and it went dark and i was just running around and around and he didn’t answer anymore… I stayed in bed a few hours after that and then got up to put on a show for my stepdad at lunchtime and now went on my computer for a bit whilst they are busy together,

Crying again now but not too bad. I’m planning to work on René’s PC in a short while and do some other useful stuff so i must be a lot better than yesterday now.

Hope you are doing OK (by the way this is not private message but the public forum just so you don’t give any info you don’t want to :wink: ). Lots of love xx

Songs... is the link to the song thread in this forum

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