I’ve had a lot of older 70+ saying I know how you feel (44 he was 52) but all I can think is no you don’t they lived a life. He never seen any child get married, no grandchildren never even seen His youngest start senior school. Never mind 18th ir 21st Is this common with others?
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Grief is grief whether you’re 70, 29,58. They probably understand the extent of the grief, I’m assuming they’ve lost someone, but we are all on a personal journey due to our individual experiences and they will definitely not understand that.
To be fair, I, on the whole get, I’ll never understand how you feel …
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We 70 year olds grieve differently. I was with my dear husband for 50 years. I left the family home and then knew nothing but him. I have lost half of myself. My grief is different to yours but no less intense.
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@pudding that’s what I meant with our personal journeys. Do you feel the grief is different too? We are all in different situations, I think of my parents who have been together for nearly 60 odd years, they’ve been together since they were 15 and 17. I only had Rich for 16 . Situations are very different and our responses will reflect that.
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But the pain is the same
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I think the grief for everyone is intense but very different I think it’s bitterness with me for what he will miss
Yes definitely everyone can understand part but never understand your journey fully
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Yeh thats true … least you still got your little ones though ! Mine are grown up and frankly a pain in the arse! one ofmy daughters better than other two but the selfishness of the other two astounds me tbh!! X
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I can understand the bitterness. Perhaps not best person to know as we decided not to have children.
I absolutely get the point that you are making and if I am being entirely honest having read many posts from people who lost a loved one far younger than my wife it leaves me thinking in a strange way that I have been more fortunate than some ; my wife was nearly 72, we had a fantastic life together, she passed away without suffering excessively in a place and time that she chose. However it doesn’t change the things I feel such as the unbearable pain of every hour of every day of not having her with me,if she had been 90 I would feel the same.
The truly sad thing is that your pain and anger is for you and your children,his children and all the things that you will all miss.
Losing anyone that you love brings a life we know nothing about,one that we didn’t choose so yes,for different reasons I feel a lot of what you do.
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Hi @Sah28
I am so sorry your grief is turning into bitterness but I do understand. I never did know what real grief was all about when I was younger not until I lost my husband and believe me age does not make a bit of difference. My father died young and I couldn’t understand it. My husband was older and we had many happy years together which I am now strong enough to cling to. I wasn’t bitter just incredibly sad. However to be married to someone for 50+ years must be absolutely terrible when one goes and a part of you must go with them. If I was younger would it have made any difference. Who knows…
I personally can’t understand why it is thought that other people should understand our grief. It belongs to us and no one can feel it as we do. People can show sympathy and care but never really know the intensity of our grieving. I certainly didn’t.
xx
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No nobody understands the pain but we all do cos were going through it ! Its such a selfish world these days ! I hate it for what it is ! Its just dog eat dog !! Not a world i was born into and all those caring people have gone … and sadly looks like we are left with the rubbish !!
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Hi @Deb5
You sound as if your in a rotten mood today. However your so right it is a selfish world but there are still some caring people around, its just finding them. However I don’t expect anyone to understand MY pain as it belongs to me. Take care of yourself.
Pat
xx
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Yes i flipping am ! Why should we look for kind people ? Why dont they find us ? Because theyre too apathetic, selfish, lazy and couldn’t care less apart from for themselves !!! Im gonna start doing the same !!! X
Dear Deb, I hear what you say, so many people are so miserable and unkind today. Even in shops, assistants if you can find one, don’t want to serve you and look glum.
Everyone on here are so lovely and say kind words, even though they are struggling, what a pity we are all so spread out across the country. We could form such genuine friendships, I am sure.
Keep strong, sending hugs xx
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Dear Deb I wish I could send you some of my kind caring people. Maybe I have found all of them. There are some shits out there like the gardener who charged me £200 for 2 hours work and didn’t do half of what I wanted. Perhaps you are just really unlucky. All I can do is send you hugs and consider how lucky I am.
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It doesn’t matter how much time you get with them it’s never enough when your left behind
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Maybe they are more caring your neck of woods ? I dunno … i cant stand em around here ! I wanna move really but not got strength at moment and waiting for that pull to where i go next !!! X
You’re absolutely right, I want to spend every minute again with my husband and savour every second. We just have remember how happy we were.
xx
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I am so grateful for the time we had and I cherish the memories, he went to Belgium 10 weeks ago and never came back and I think I’m fighting through all the emotions still
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