a thought came to me today. I had always said and sort of joked I wanted to go first so I wouldn’t have to go through the pain. I realised today how wrong that was. I am relieved she went first so she doesn’t have to endure this soul destroying pain and emptiness. I’m sorry my wee darling that I ever thought that.
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I agree, there aren’t any positive aspects to the situation we are in, but I do think that we spared our loved ones this horrendous experience and I’m very glad of that.
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Hello
I agree, the only single thing that gives me comfort is that my beautiful, lovely husband has not had to go through this pain.
Every other single thing about this grief journey is horrible, and getting worse.
I’m 8 months 15 days in … I know I’ll be sad for the rest of my life. How can I ever be happy again. 
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I know what you mean. I feel like I’m a totally different person in a totally different world. I look back and although I can remember saying how much I loved life with my partner, I still feel like I took it for granted. Time wasted on iPads that could have been spent talking. More kisses and cuddles. If only we had known what was found the corner.
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I feel like that too. I wish I had been more in the moment. That’s the joy of hindsight.
We can’t be at fault for just living life. No one expects to lose their partner. We don’t expect it to happen to us. But now it has and we have to live with it as there isn’t an alternative.
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That’s one thing I take great comfort from. My partner was loved right up until he dropped by me, his mam and his family and friends. He’ll never know the heartbreak and the emptiness that I’m feeling inside right now. He’s lost grandparents and his dad but he’s lucky that he never lost his mam. I actually always used to worry about how he would cope if anything ever happened to his mam. He was stronger than me when it came to death and dying. He accepted it was part of life and it is. I accepted it as well until I lost him. Now I wish there was someone to blame, someone to take my anger and frustration out on but there’s not 
If I’d gone first I’d like to think he would have coped better than I’m coping now. I’m pretty sure he would have.
Next time I see a couple who have died together in an accident I’ll no longer think how tragic it is, I’ll think how nice it is that they both died together saving one of them the heartbreak that we are experiencing right now.
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I now have a mantra that I use constantly and all the time with all the couples I know…
I tell them all “enjoy the ordinary and mundane, they are the most special,and the ones missed the most”
Hugs to you all 
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