Sending Cards

Anyone feel the same as me about sending cards? I don’t want to send them just from me, we have always been Derek & Jo or Dad & Jo. The ones I send to the family will always have his name on. Last Christmas I donated to charity instead of sending cards. I just wonder as time goes on whether people will think it odd still sending them from the two of us. But I’d feel like I was erasing his name, it’s hard, I’d rather not send them at all.


Hi Jodel i have sent all cards with both his and my name I just said to people if you dont like it let me know and I wont send you one. It makes no difference to me. That sounds bit selfish from me but I dont care so much now. I do it because I always have wrote it that way.
No one has said anything to me yet. Well not to my face lol
Its a funny old thing how the moment someone passes there name in pen is dismissed and y should it be.
Odd or not I will do it my way.


I’m glad you asked this Jodel. I have my first card to send coming up for my brother-in-laws birthday (i didnt send christmas cards or birthday cards until now but told myself I’d start from his brothers birthday since his brother meant a lot to him). This has been on my mind though. His brother has some mental health issues so I don’t want to cause confusion though either (especially as his brother lived in Holland and didn’t see him too often) so I am in a bit of a pickle as don’t want to sign just from me either.

Love your post Tilwemeetagain. Food for thought for sure thank you both!


Dear Jodel712

Since my husband died in September I have not sent any cards. My birthday was November and I asked for no cards to be sent. Some people ignored the request and as I suspected their attempts at sending messages of support just back-fired and caused me great amount of upset. Like you it has always been Sheila and Ian - cannot bring myself to write anything that would require me to omit his name but also cannot bring myself to put his name on either - double-edged sword. My kids birthdays are coming up later in the year - not sure how I am going to handle these occasions.

Take care
Sheila XX

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Just ask your children how the feel about it Jodel712. I am sure they understand how you feel.x


So sorry. My last post was meant for Shelia.

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Hi Jodel 172. If you decide to send cards you could just sign your own name and then add ‘Heavenly blessings from Derek.’ I am sure everyone will understand.


I will be drawing a little open heart instead of putting his name. Always x I think… well that my decision for now x


Hi Jodel, sorry for your loss. When my husband died we bought a star in the sky and on cards I put a star sticker with his initial in. My family don’t get it at all but my friends do and think it’s special. Never be afraid to be you and if that means writing Derek’s name on cards then do it - for you. It is the hardest thing when you lose your partner - literally the other half of you. Do what is right for you at this time. Take care.


My daughters 24th birthday was 5 weeks after my husband died. And I asked her if she wanted her dads name in the card and she said yes, I’m so glad I asked as it was bothering me Ever organised (until now) I had bought her card before Xmas in case of lockdown so my husband had seen it and in my head it was ok to put his name on it but just wasn’t sure how she felt. The big difference was that I wrote it and not him as he always wrote the cards at Xmas and birthday. That was also a plan subconsciously for when he was no longer here - writing it here sounds very dark but he did have extensive heart disease - and at least all the grandchildren and children have those cards to look back on and cherish. For our granddaughters 16th birthday only 5 weeks after my husband passing we had a necklace made with his writing on taken off her last birthday card ( my daughter and granddaughters birthdays are 2 days apart ) so go with what you feel ok with and if people don’t understand out that to the back of your mind. It’s you that’s important and everyone should understand that. Best wishes to you x


Thank you. I love the things that you have done.

Still have some time to think what I am going to do. Have our wedding anniversary coming up in two weeks time. The thought of no card from Ian is already causing me huge distress. Cannot bear to think about it. Hoping to be able to get away for the day by myself.

Take care. xxx

I have a special candle for our wedding anniversary which is lit all the time I am in the house on that day just to focus on now my husband is dead. I have one for his Birthday too.


Hi Joel

my husband died I couldn’t send any cards for well over a year
When I did it was awful not putting his name on it ~ it broke my heart
I got into crafting and started making cards and gifts for friends family and charity
That took away some of the pain of not having his name on it
the pleasure it gave me to see people’s face light up with the personal card
Put a smile back on my face

Don’t send cards or do as tillwemeetagin write their name on it

There are too many people telling us what we should do
You do what feels good for you
And helps you cope with the loss
Sending my love

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