It’s nearly 5 months since my wonderful husband died suddenly and tragically when he came off his motorbike - we are yet to get a date for an inquest!
I’ve just had a visit from my mum & sister but I’m finding he’s not mentioned in conversation (unless I do) and neither am I asked how I’m doing or if I need help with anything.
I don’t know whether the topic is avoided as they know how much pain I’m in but can’t do anything about it, or whether it’s in the past and everyone is just getting on with life?! I find it strange and feel a bit resentful. Anyone else experienced this and am I being too sensitive?
You’re not being too sensitive.
It’s so hard for us. Because we have to come to the realisation that we are all alone in our grief. I had lots of what you experienced too. still do. It’s two and a half years for me.
Unlike your poor husbands tragic accident, my husband had been poorly for a few years, sometimes very, and I cared for him on my own. So I even got the comments
“well you knew he was going to die didn’t you?” (From family - my mum actually!!)
And once a comment from one of my sister’s really upset me. I felt like I was being really brave by telling her , that I’d had a really bad few days, her response, " Oh why is that? What’s happened?!!!" ( This about 6 months after!)
Keep reading and posting on her poppet. It has really helped me.
I hope you get an inquest date soon. That must be torture waiting for that.
Thanks for your response. I ended up texting my sister as it was on my mind and she sent a lovely supportive reply that basically she doesn’t really know what to say to help and is indeed worried about upsetting me more. We’ve talked it through and I feel much better for that. So hard isn’t it …… You’ve had some astonishing comments though
You do have to explain to people what you need from them.
Bless them, they are grieving to but I feel a We’ve lost our other halves that we find it harder, much much harder.
People don’t know what to say or do, so be clear and then they can help.
It may help them too.
So sorry to hear of your loss @DebraTu.
It’s 11 months since my husband died and I still find it hard when people just keep getting on with their lives.
I don’t think you’re being over sensitive, I think people just don’t know how to behave in this situation and so avoid it.
My husbands sisters never mention him and I find that really upsetting, and so now I have as little contact with them as possible as it just makes me feel worse.
Probably not the best way to deal with it but just be kind to yourself.
We are all trying to navigate the grief and heartbreak and other people’s inadequacies don’t help at all. But that isnt your fault.
Try find some people who really can empathise ( here is a good place ) and it’s ok to be resentful at times. No emotions are off limit for us bereaved. Xx
I’ve just lost my beautiful loving partner to a combination of mestastised breast cancer ans aml. The one positive is she is no longer in pain. She passed away on Saturday peacefully at the Marie Curie. The mental anguish is unreal but she is free of suffering and I’m receiving plenty of support. Both the Marie Curie nurses and the district nurses are fantastic folk unlike her oncologist who has no empathy whatsoever. The supoort is incredible
Thanks yoball.
