Seperated wife with terminal cancer

Has anyone else become seperated from spouse and then after they become terminally ill with cancer-how did you cope?

I’m so sorry to hear about your situation. Even though you are separated, your wife was still a big part of your life, presumably for a number of years - so it is natural that this would have a big impact on you.

How long have you been separated from your wife and what is your relationship like now?

About 3 years we never got divorced-I am in a new relationship as well but starting to feel guilty-but we have two children I was planning to move back in the house until they sent her home for palliative care

Morning,

The guilt’s not to be unexpected - it can often be a common feeling at times like this for many people, regardless of marital situation. And having children involved can sometimes complicate things.

At difficult times like this, feelings can get confusing when you want to do the best for as many people as possible. It’s also important to think about yourself too. Being open with your wife and talking about it all will be really helpful - she might have very fixed ideas about what she wants to happen too as all this is going on.

Do let us know how things go and remember there are people here and elsewhere who can help :slight_smile:

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Hi JG,

I just wanted to check in and see how you were doing since you last posted?

Is your ex home now, and is she getting the care she needs? Have you been involved and going to see her?

As you have children together, I expect that supporting them through the loss of their mother will be one of your big concerns. I’m not sure how old they are, but we have an information page that might be a helpful starting point: http://support.sueryder.org/practical-emotional-advice/how-can-i-tell-child-someone-they-love-dying Check out the external links at the end of that page for more help with this.

Hi she is home now and is getting four hours of care a day which is helpful-my daughter is living with me and my son has stayed in the family home-he is not keen on having strangers in the house all the time and mainly stays in his room-I try to take my daughter to visit regularly but she won’t stay there-she says it’s just not home any more as its turning into a hospital ward

I’m glad to hear that she is getting some help. It is bound to be really tough for all of you, but it sounds as though you are being supportive to her and the children. Keep posting here if you find that it helps.

Hi priscilla-she passed away yesterday morning at home luckily the district nurse found her and not my son and they said she died peacefully-I want to give her clothes etc to sue rhyder charity how do I go about it?
John

Hi John,

I’m so sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you and your children at this difficult time.

If you or the children need any support, theCruse Bereavement helpline is available for emotional support, or to help you find other services in your area. Contact 0844 477 9400 or helpline@cruse.org.uk.

Thank you for asking about donating her clothes to Sue Ryder - our shops raise vital funds to help us provide end of life care to more people.

You can search for your nearest Sue Ryder shop here: https://www.sueryder.org/nearest

For each shop, it will show where it is, give information on how to donate, and give contact details in case you have any questions.

For more information about what can be donated, and about collections, see this page: http://www.sueryder.org/shop-with-us/donate-to-our-shops

Please keep posting here if you need any more support - we have a bereavement section here on the community: https://support.sueryder.org/community/coping-death-loved-one

Hi, I separated from my husband after 35 years then after 6 years he went into hospital and was diagnosed with a brain tumour and passed away 11 days later. We never devoiced and I felt guilty because had we spotted the signs that were there when we were still together we could have maybe prolonged his life. But he would not have wanted to live and him not be in control of his life. It’s not easy to lose someone you love or have loved separating does not end your feelings. As my daughter keeps telling me we were there when he needed us as I’m sure you were. As I am sure you were and you need to be there for you children no matter how old they are you are still their parents.

Hi 8 months have passed now-children have coped well but now considering counselling. I moved back in the family home and left my partner in our rented home with her son whilst the family home is being sold-gradually clearing her possessions but memories of the better times are still every where-be glad when the house sale is completed and we can start fresh

Hi, counselling may be good for the children. Our daughter was grown up and we had two young grandchildren we made memory does for them. I was still in the family home but there was still a lot of things around which were reminders of happier times. Memories are things that get you when you least expect it. It’s not easy but stay close to your family and strong and you will get through it. I wish you and your family well as you start this new chapter of your life.

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