I lost my ex partner of 8 years just over 6 months ago to suicide. The past month or so I was starting to feel better. Going out with friends more, talking about it less and performing well at work.
Then gradually I could feel myself getting lost again. Drinking heavily at the weekends, pulling away, engaging is self destructive behaviour.
I was keeping it together just about and then last week the world just collapsed underneath me again. I was anxious, having panic attacks, couldn’t shower, leave the house, go to work and was having thoughts of harming myself.
I’m so exhausted with the cycle of grief and it makes me worry about my job and the impact on my loved ones. I can be keeping it together one minute and then completely crumble the next. Is this normal? Is there ways I can make my work and others understand?
I don’t know what to do.