My dad died at end of October - was in hospital for three long weeks - we were told on numerous occasions that he would die imminently but he kept fighting although his organs were dieing. I was back and forthw to the hospital on mercy missions - working in between - It was horrible to watch - seizures , deleriosness etc . During that time mum broke her leg in two places - she needed and operation so I was wheeling he up to see dad and then had to care for her as well . My brother also is going through tests for cancer and a whole heep of other nasties have happened at the same time . I am left to look after mum , sort my dads finances - sort my grans finances as I am now the only POA . Go to work ( where other people have resigned so I have 30 people to look after ) look after to kids … it’s all too much and my brain just doesn’t work - I cannot think - I cannot function - can’t sleep - my memory is non existent - like my brain has just shut itself down and I just don’t care . I need to get my brain engaged and back in the game - can someone please advise of how I can do this .
Hello @Vicky5 ,
I can see that you’re new to the community, so I wanted to say that I am so sorry for the loss of your dad that brings you here. Your life right now must be incredibly difficult for you, caring for both your mum and children while worrying about your brother and managing your grief. You say your brain feels like it has shut down and it’s not functioning but you are dealing with so much.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that may help right now.
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Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
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Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS
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Our free Online Bereavement Counselling which is held via video chat
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Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through
Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
Take care,
Alex
My goodness Vicky5 you sound like some sort of super Woman, most of us have brain fog just from dealing with the trauma and grief but what you are dealing with is making my head spin just thinking of it. Reading it I was thinking I hope you are not having to work as well and then I see you are!
You really need some help there, at least go to the Dr for a sick note for work if nothing else. I should imagine you feel that’s not an option but you could end up having a breakdown and taking even more time off work . I am so sorry with all you have been through and what you are having to deal with, really it sounds too much for one person. Sorry I can’t suggest anything else , maybe the doctor could give you sleeping tablets or something to help.
I do hope someone else on here can come up with a solution , it sounds like you really have been thrown into the deep end.
Take care, you need looking after to.
It really does sound like there’s just too much going on at the moment to take on. As has already been suggested, maybe you could look into getting a reprieve from anything that you are able to (such as work). Does everything need to be done now? Can something just be added to a list to do at a later (marked in the diary) date (such as your dads and grans finances)?
I had severe brain fog when my dad died and I permanently carried a diary with me that I literally wrote everything in that I needed to remember/do because it was one less thing to keep in my brain.
Something that it may be worth looking into is also mindfulness - living in the moment. There are many books, YouTube videos and phone apps that can help with this. This would allow your brain a temporary reprieve because it doesn’t have to think about all the things going on in your life - it just has to concentrate on the present moment. It can be very empowering and healing.
I hope some of this helps. 
My goodness, it really does sound like you have so much
Sorry it just posted my last reply before i had a chance to finish it!
What i MEANT to say was it really does sound like you have so much to be dealing with right now. The brain fog is your brains way of telling you that - its saying “no more!”
If you’re struggling at work, let them know that and see if there are options to either ease your workload, take leave, or get signed off if need be.
I would reiterate what @Reality says about finding ways to give your mind a break. For me, i use a mindfulness app, but even a daily walk, sitting with a coffee for 15 mins in the park - i know these might seem like extras you have to squeeze into your day, but when i first started using the mindfulness app my head felt like it was a jar full of buzzing wasps, bursting to get out. It really helped, even 10 mins a day. But it doesnt need to be an app, even getting outdoors away from everything can make a difference. Just being in the here and now rather than thinking of the million things on the to do list.
I took think you are dealing with too much all at once I felt exactly the same to the point I snapped about 3 weeks before my mum passed away the pressure of having to deal every day with carers and he’d medications her appointments, filling forms, working looking after kids, then I look back now and think if I hadn’t of took charge no one else would of dealt with the things that needed doing I carried a big folder around with me every where I went as my phone was like a hotline and all the information I needed was in that folder and I still carried it with me 2 weeks after she died it had been at the centre of everything but the one thing I am grateful full is that my mum had sorted and paid for her funeral the year before COVID hit we went and picked her coffin etc, she didn’t want us to ever have to do that part all we had to do was contact them if that day ever came she also made my dad sort and pay for his. Now she’s gone and funeral has been and gone we have scattered her ashes I feel so empty like my life means nothing now apart from looking after my dad and my kids, I’m not ready to go back to work and I’m not sure when that will be.
My heart goes out to you, you are dealing with so much . I wish I could change things for you
Thankyou so much and same to you, I’m just grateful I have people to talk to on here especially of a night when I don’t sleep and now with Christmas near upon us I’m trying my very best to do a bit each day, my goal for the weekend was wrapping the kids Christmas presents I done that, my goal this week is to put the tree up as I’m going in hospital on the 16 for a operation so I need to make sure I try and get as much done before Saturday as I’m not going to get any help from anyone then I have other stuff to do as well partner doesn’t give a shit he’s gone back to work and I’m basically left to do everything again plus I have workmen doing outside work to my house, so under pressure again, suppose he has to work whilst I’m on sick leave not that I need a man to support me quite capable of doing that but he thinks I can just move on and get on with it.