Share a happy memory of your loved one

After a loved one dies, it is common to feel overwhelmed by upsetting memories – perhaps of the time they were ill or dying. Some people suffer very vivid flashbacks of these times. It can feel as though happy memories of their life before this have faded altogether.

However, in time, people find that more positive memories do start to return. They start to be able to look back with a smile, even if it feels bittersweet. Remembering them can be an important and positive thing, so I thought I’d see if anybody wants to talk about their happy memories.

Can you share a favourite memory of your loved one? Something that sums up the way you would like to remember them?

Here are some that people have previously shared on this site:

“We talk about happy times, funny times, the things their dad did that were really silly. - like can you remember the day your dad put in a new pair of jeans with all the school shirts and they all came out blue?” - Jeannie
https://support.sueryder.org/community/coping-death-loved-one/my-husband#post-1372

“My dad bought me my first horse, him and my mum made many sacrifices to let me pursue my hobby and it is one of the memories of growing up that make me eternally grateful for having such a supportive family.” - laurajanktink
https://support.sueryder.org/community/general-chat/do-your-pets-help-you-cope#post-2537

“Mum loved shopping, she was a bargain hunter.” - Sonny
https://support.sueryder.org/community/coping-death-loved-one/my-mum

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Lots to choose from but would say family holidays when i was a child. I had both my parents then and the times we spent together were wonderful. Have many cine films of those days which have been put on video. Must get them put on on DVD as well.

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Aww, thanks for sharing, Mel, it sounds as though you have some lovely memories. And how nice to have some special reminders captured on film.

I think seeing my Mum and Dad on cine films brings them back to me much more than photographs. What i do miss is their voices though. Hit me hard when I realised i would never hear them speak to me again.

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Priscilla

Sharing memories that we had for 24 hours a day 7 days a week is difficult, but June loved her holidays away and weekends away. She also loved fireworks displays and Christmas all of which have thousands of photos and are happy memories, but with sadness as we will never be able to share these ever again.
Dave

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One memory that always makes me smile about my dad.
I was a single parent with two small children, and very ill one Christmas. Even though we lived in a small flat, I always tried to make the best of things. My daughter loved real Christmas trees, and unable to go out my dad offered to go and get one for me. He came back with a tree that was so huge it filled a quarter of the room and was too big to stand up. I cried and he said don’t worry I can sort it, you go and lie down.
When I returned to the living room he had just cut the top off, so we had a huge round ball of a tree, and he had let my daughter decorate it. It looked so awful, but I couldn’t stop laughing.
So many memories like this, I will carry in my heart forever.
He would do anything for me and the rest of the family.
I will never get over losing him; part of me has gone with him and my mum.
Candy

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She sounds like a wonderful person Dave, I hope in time you will feel a little better.
Candy

I remember walking through the fields with our dogs and the sun shining, I would give anything to go back. My partner and the dogs are all gone now.

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I have some very happy photos on my computer and they come on the screen save which means I see them from time to time.

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So many happy times , walking on the beach , watching Paul catch fish, watching him lose them, tipping the grandchildren upside down, but most special of all was the hugs. He would just say, for no particular reason, give us a hug, we all need hugs. I miss the hugs so very much.

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So many happy memories to choose from but just showing how wonderful my dad was he brought his daughters up on his own and would do anything for anyone of us, we never went without. Would constantly be running around after one of us & such Hard working man that never complained even when he was given this horrible diease. I miss him so much, his voice and smile the most :’(

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And put my arms around him!!

Thank you all for sharing these touching memories - you all paint such vivid pictures of your loved ones and happy times together.

I always remember back to a holiday when I was like 4 years old and my Dad was doing something silly but all I remember is laughing so much and my Mum looking both amused/exasperated and the song “raincloud” by The Lighthouse Family playing.

6 years ago, I remember getting my GCSE results and going home and my Dad telling me he was super proud of me. it just sucks that he wasn’t there for my A Level results, my year abroad and he won’t be there when I graduate.

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I have so many happy memories of sarah ( my partner) and I, I remember we went on one of our first holidays to Great Yarmouth a few years ago, I remember the weather was beautiful, the hottest week in June it had been for years, I remember we left the rubbish outside our caravan door and forgot to place it in the communal bins, next morning we were woken up by what I thought was cats fighting! When we opened the caravan door the scene outside was carnage!! Rubbish everywhere!! The cats fighting sound, was the seagulls ! I’ve never laughed so much, we quickly cleaned up before anyone noticed! We had so many more happy memories, I smile about it now, albeit I miss sarah so very much, always in heart those memories ( Sam)

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That made me smile - you paint such a vivid picture of the moment, and of you and Sarah laughing and having fun together.

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This is more what will be a new memory for me than one from before my Mum passed away.

I went out to a concert last night with friends who have become surrogate Mum and Dad to me. The first time I have been ‘out’ properly. The singer sang one of Mum’s favourite songs as one of her encores and I just felt so happy I had gone and had such a lovely evening. I listened and thought of how much Mum would have enjoyed the evening. I brought a cd and got it signed before I came home.

I know there will still be bad times ahead but for the first time I felt there was light at the end of the tunnel.

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That sounds like a lovely moment - I’m glad you have had a chance to make a new happy memory and started to see some light ahead of you.

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