she died alone

Losing a friend
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i dont expect much to come from this but im at a loss of what to do, and i know its a specific circumstance but i dont know where to focus my feelings anymore. i lost my best friend to mania then suicide and knowing she died with nobody around her because she refused to talk to anyone in the months leading up, and knowing what the mania made her believe is what she died believing, and how she hated me and everyone else close to her and she thought it was the only thing that could “save her” absolutely eats me up inside. she was special, theres nobody like her in the whole world and never will be. nobody will get me like that again and maybe i wouldnt want them to. i miss her more than anything.

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Hi florian1111

I’m Rhi, a member of the Sue Ryder Online Community team, and I can see that you are new to the community - thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you’re feeling.

I’m so sorry to hear about your best friend. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.

  • Our Grief Guide is a self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you understand and navigate your grief.
  • Our Grief Coach text message service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS
  • Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: sueryder.org/counselling.

You might also want to reach out to Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide - http://uk-sobs.org.uk/ 0300 111 5065 and the Support After Suicide Partnership http://supportaftersuicide.org.uk

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support, and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone :blue_heart:

Take care, Rhi

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Hey, I am so sorry for your loss and I wish that there were some words that could help to alleviate those feelings. All I can say is to not let yourself shoulder that burden alone. We will never know what truly was on her mind in those last months, but remember those moments before her mania as she exists beyond just that narrow scope. Please make sure you do not let it sit heavy and eat away within yourself as it is not a healthy way to cope with your grief.

It is hard to describe how, but I don’t believe that she hated you. I wish you the best. :heart: