Shock over Dad’s loss and ICU experience

It’s one week after the funeral. My beloved Dad (69) walked into an ambulance and never came home. He had been unwell with flu like symptoms despite the jab for just one week - previously living a normal life . He spent two days in icu with flu and was moved out , they even wanted to send him home. He asked to stay. Asked. He was in such pain. We felt ignored and desperately pleaded for hospital to help. We knew he wasn’t ok.

What ensured was another trip to the icu and he never came out: over three weeks of different diagnosis / theories / as he was extremely agitated and in pain I will never forget, he fought . Agony. Eventually he was sedated , ventilated, died. Aspergillosis took hold because of a weakened immune system due to chrons medication. . It took them two weeks to even diagnose: it was too late.

I’m haunted by memories of icu, his pain.”, the last day he could speak, turning off the machines and the lines going flat.

Now that it’s quiet, im so fearful of losing others: I just want him to come home.

A sad daughter


Are the bereavement nurses in touch with you? They said to me that they could ask for the ICU consultant to speak to me. Is that an option for you? It’s all very horrible. I understand :yellow_heart:.


I wasn’t aware there was such a thing , but I will look into it! Thank you x :purple_heart:

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I have presumed that it’s the same in every hospital, but if you ring switchboard and ask for the bereavement team…

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My heart goes out to you. I’m so sorry about your dad and the horrendous experience you had. I too have lost my father and have flashbacks to his time at the hospital. Sending love and hugs. :heart:


Thank you. It’s hard not to wonder if there’s something more you could have done.

On the evening of his funeral I randomly met a man, a doctor, who assured me there was nothing we could have done when I told him the story.

Perhaps my daddy sent him .

What an awful experience, I’m so sorry for your loss. When you’re feeling up to it get in contact with the hospital and see if you can have a chat to one of the doctor’s involved in his care. If the bereavement team can’t help you then try contacting the hospital Patient Advise and Liaison Service (PALS). I think you would also find bereavement counselling helpful to talk through the whole experience as it sounds very traumatic. I had bereavement counselling after my mum passed away. It was very traumatic when she was unwell and left me feeling very anxious and i had flashbacks and nightmares. The counselling really helped.


@Brucey84 im so sorry for your loss and the lack of treatment/care that your Dad received. Its heartbreaking to lose them but even more so when they go through such pain and torment.
I lost my Dad 17 months ago, i didnt see him in his final days, i chose not to (some people judge me for that) but from what i have been told my family that did go it was awful, he didnt know who anyone was, confused, agitated etc, it was sepsis that ultimately killed him but it could have been caught earlier. We’ll never know the ins and outs of if anything could have been done differently and i have to accept that. I guess i just want you to know you arent alone in going through this.

Hope you are okay. Sending love :heart:

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Thank you :heart: I think my family will all need counselling. It’s hard to get your head around someone going in with something minor enough, and never coming out. It’s great comfort knowing others went through the same. Their loved ones fought and we fought for them. When the fight is over, the pain is unbearable for those left behind, but no more pain for our loved ones, at least that’s solace. I would have went to the hospital for 100 more days if I thought it would save him , but have to accept that we couldn’t :broken_heart:

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Thank you @Lostdaughter . I’m so sorry for your pain. I’ve read that in time the happy memories will out shadow the traumatic ones. Dont feel at all judged for not going in for this final days - it’s unbearable and they would not have wanted us to experience it . I can hear him and see him everywhere. I have to believe he’s watching over us and that your loved one is too. :heart: