My 44 year old daughter died suddenly 6 weeks ago following surgery to reverse an illeostomy fitted a year ago. She so wanted this operation although was frightened about it. The internal sutures failed and she had an internal bleed. I am left in total utter shock as this was not an outcome we expected. Her husband is spending so much time with us and that is a great comfort, but sleeping is a problem, and I am finding it almost impossible to cry!
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Dear Buff
I am so so,
rry for the loss of your beloved daughter. I lost my daughter almost 4 months ago.
I’ve found friends on this site who are loving and supportive and all know the sadness we live with. 
Keep posting, look at various threads, and know that we all grieve in our own way, there is no right or wrong way, we just do what we each can to cope with our changed lives.
With love
Ann 
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Dear Buff
I read your post this morning and am so sorry about the loss of your daughter. It’s hard to comprehend how your world has shattered so tragically and completely. My deepest sympathies.
I’m glad for you that you’ve already had responses to your post from others who have had similar experiences. This is true support as you’ve probably found.
We do have a free counselling service which you can register for, the online contact is below.
Your son-in-law might benefit too in time. Do keep reaching out, this is such a caring community, and no one understands as well as those who have suffered similar losses. There are other threads on here about losing adult children which might be of use.
My thoughts are with you and your family,
Miche24
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Thank you for your reply! It’s so good to be able to know people understand how you are feeling, particularly now as people outside the immediate family have “ moved on” and their thoughts turn to other things. I feel utterly broken, but am trying to do the things I normally did, but then feel guilty for doing that, as my daughter can’t. I know we will get through it, but at the moment that feels impossible.
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Dear Buff,
6/7 weeks is no time at all to us, whatever others might think. No one but we ourselves know how it is. Yes you will feel guilty, that’s a particularly mum thing, among all the other chaotic emotions, but we have to be kind to ourselves and gradually learn to live with this new life none of us wanted. I am sure my daughter would want me to be happy, in time, and yours too.
Sending you much love
Ann x
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Hi Buff, sorry to learn of your loss… Losing a child is not nice, but I understand how you feel, as my daughter passed away in February.
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Hi
I know, I lost my parents when they were both in their early sixties and found that hard. However the very different emotions I am going through now seem overwhelming. The lack of sleep isn’t helping, but I do find talking about her the most comforting!
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Hi Ann
You are so right, I know it is very early days since we lost her, and to be honest it is getting harder at the moment. I think up to the funeral when there was a huge outpouring of sympathy from so many people, and we were busy organising it seemed to help. However after the funeral everyone else’s lives return to normal and they’ve felt closure. This isn’t the same for her immediate family! I guess you felt exactly the same?
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Dear Buff
It’s because we love them so very very much that the pain goes on for us.
We go through ups and downs, sometimes seeming to cope quite well, other times we are plunged back into a pit of grief.
We feel guilty when we have better moments - which we all do have - but it isn’t that we have for a second forgotten. We have a new life that we never wanted to get used to, it’s unknown and awful and we don’t want to accept it.
I don’t think I’m in denial, yet part of me can’t believe that Katherine isn’t around somewhere physically, not far away.
What we do have are wonderful memories, gratitude that this person came to be in our family, and love that can never be taken from us.
Be patient with yourself dear friend.
Love Ann
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I know exactly what you mean, I still expect Rebecca to ring as she used to every day, or walk through the door. I still can’t get my head around the fact that those conversations which were so special, will not happen again! I don’t suppose I will ever get used to, or accept it!
Many thanks
Liz
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