Should I be over it by now?

My grandma died 12 years ago we was so close she was like my everything I would of done anything for her.
It’s now 12 years on and everyone seems to of grieved and got over it but for me that seems impossible.
My heart feels broken into a thousand pieces.
I still think about her everyday, cry everyday, speak to her and not admit that she’s actually gone cause I don’t think I can live without her in my life.
I try to see her as much as I can but then when it comes to leaving it breaks my heart she can’t come with me or talk back to me.
She was my everything but she never taught me to live without her.
The last time I seen her I knew she was going in hospital but I didn’t think it would be the last time she just told me it was a check up she waved and said she loved me I was to stupid to say it back!

I never got to say goodbye to her cause I was so young and now I think is she mad at me?
I have loads of nightmare of her and my grandad trying to kill me? Is that because she wants me with her?

Does it ever get easier?

Hi PHolland.
Grief is a journey that we all take alone and it takes as long as it takes, there is not a time limit to grieving, have you had any counselling,? I think you might find it helpful to talk to somebody who is trained in helping people who are grieving, I’m sure your Grandma knew just how much you loved her and certainly will not be holding it against you, because you didn’t tell her that you loved her before she went into hospital, sending love Jude xx

Hi Jude,

Yeah I’ve tried to go to the doctors before and ask for counselling but they haven’t referred me to any counselling. I haven’t really tried to much though because I’ve never realised I actually wanted help. Private counselling is to expensive for me so I haven’t been able to do that.

Paige. X