I’ve been thinking of moving to Belfast, I’ve visited once. It’s where my ex partner was from and we visited his family there. I really liked the city and there’s lots of opportunities. I thought we might move there one day. He’s only been gone 11 weeks. I keep thinking about the life we could have had there, a fresh start. It’s also a lot more affordable than my current city, which has high rents, buying a house in Belfast for example is 1/2 or 2/3 the price compared to Edinburgh. I read recently that Edinburgh is one of the loneliest cities to live in in the UK, I tend to agree.
I feel like I need a fresh start but not right away. I don’t know if I want to move somewhere without a good reason to. I liked Belfast and he had a lot of old friends and family there which would have been good for us. So that would have been a good reason to move there. I’ve been feeling a bit stuck in my current city for a very long time and not liking being here for a bunch of reasons.
I also have a job here and I have some family around, so I’m probably better staying where I am for the time being. I don’t have any dependents. I don’t have many friends at all, no real close ones and I wonder if moving would help me re-establish myself and build new connections.
I am wondering if anyone moved to a different town or city after a bereavement and how was it for you?
Thanks.
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The general advice is not to make any major life decisions in the first year of bereavement.
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Yes I agree with @Pudding that it’s best not to make any major decisions for a while.
I also would like to move ( funnily back to Edinburgh which is where I grew up )
Not that I have many friends or family left there - as you say it is an expensive city to live in. But as I feel living in a smaller place I am met with sad smiles or pitying looks wherever I go. Feel I’ll be referred to forever as my husbands widow as that’s now what people think about due to his death being so sudden and unexpected.
I’m going to wait to make that decision - mainly because my youngest is still at school and doesn’t want to leave her friends so I need to stay put for another couple of years.
I think I might feel different by then but maybe a complete change of scene will be what I need.
How about you try and join some groups etc where you are ? Try make new connections and see how it goes. If the first tries don’t quite work then don’t give up - try something else until you find a good fit.
If in a year that doesn’t work then at least you have given it a good go and maybe a new start is what’s needed.
Lean on those around you for support just now. We all need some help as we navigate ourselves through this tough time.
Xxx
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Thank you @roni52 I will wait for a while, I’m not really ready to up and move right now. I just feel I might benefit from a new start but I’ll give it more thought and time.
That’s a good idea regarding the groups, I am actually hoping to join a film making group this week and I do have a bit of support here just now which is helpful.
That makes sense for you to wait until your youngest finishes school, at least then you might be in a better place to make that decision.
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I have been thinking the same thing. Both myself and my late wife are from Hampshire and we moved to Suffolk for my job. I was going to retire early in the next couple of years and now my wife has passed away I have a strong feeling to move back as both our families are still there. The only issue is my son who has grown up in Suffolk and has his friends and job here. I think I need to give it some more time.
@StuartC Yes, it’s a big decision to make. How old is your son? Maybe it’s worth discussing some of your thoughts around this with him before coming to a decision. At least if you decide to move he’ll have had some conversations with you about it and you’ll have his input so he’d know you’re considering him in your decisions. Having a chat about it with him might free you up as well, if you’re feeling guilty about moving away from him. He might be happy for you to move on. Who knows maybe he’d like to move himself and wouldn’t want to leave for fear of leaving you. It sounds like if he wanted to stay where he is then he’d be ok given that he’s got friends and a job there, and it’s a familiar place. But yes not something to take lightly I guess but you have to consider your own needs and options and he is a grown up now. Hopefully you’d still be able to visit each other quite regularly if you do move.
I’m just going to give it some time and thought, it’s still quite a recent loss and so it wouldn’t be good for me to move just now anyway but I’m quite tired of my home city for a few reasons.