Should I speak at the funeral service

My darling husband died two weeks ago very suddenly so had to go to coroner. We are now trying to get through organising the funeral which we are all dreading. My question is did any of you speak or read at your loved ones funeral? Am I expected to speak? I think I could do it but I wouldn’t really know where to start. Also, my husband did not have a religious bone in his body so I don’t know what the funeral will consist of. This is all so horrible and hard.

I have the same problem My beloved wife and soul mate left us early this week and as much as I want to I don’t think I would get beyond the first line…so much to say and only the one chance to say it. Our fantastic kids have rallied round me with every possible support but the hole inside my darling has left is just to great to comprehend ,
I will stand up and I will speak no matter how I feel, it matters not what anyone else thinks it matter how You feel and I think regret that you did not tell your darling husband how you feel will be far worse than regretting not using this one chance

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Hello @Jean8

I’m so sorry for your loss and feel for you at this difficult time.

I knew I would never make it through a speech as I’m not a public speaker and there was a large audience, but I wanted my words to be heard so I wrote the eulogy for the celebrant to read on my behalf at the crematorium. My husband’s daughter read a poem.

Neither my husband or I are religious, so I chose a celebrant to take the service and she was wonderful. I also chose music my husband would have liked. The funeral director initially, & then the celebrant, guided me on how to structure the service. Their support was invaluable.

At the end of the service everyone was asked to leave so that myself and immediate family could say our final goodbyes in privacy.

It’s a strange thing to say, but the day could not have gone any better…I feel I did him proud.

Try not to put too much pressure on yourself, do what makes you feel comfortable and what you think he would have wanted. It’s not about anyone else, it’s about you & your husband. Make him proud too Jean, you can do it.

I hope that helps a little. Big hugs x

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If you can possibly do it, speaking at your loved ones funeral will give you an enormous amount of pride.
Write it all down so that someone can take over if you can’t continue, take a deep breath and get up and speak slowly.
I felt that I had given my wife the best goodbye that I could. Good luck x

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Only if you want and feel able too it’s completely your choice


My husbands funeral was on 27th October. He was non religious and i choose to have a humanist service. I read out a poem called “I am free” its an anonymous poem so I could omit the word god. I wasn’t sure I could do it so had my cousin in standby in the event I couldn’t. I did manage it and had my cousin standing next to me, holding her hand whilst I read it out. It wasn’t easy but glad I did it, I also put the poem in the order of service.
If you do decided to read something don’t worry about not being a public speaker, nobody will judge you , just praise you for being so brave to stand up and say something. If thinking about standing up and saying something make the pain you feel worse with the worry it’s bringing, don’t do it.
Sending big hugs to you all, here is the poem.