My husband died eight weeks ago while waiting for an operation and there are indications, according to the consultants in ITU, that the doctors in the ACU may have missed that he was having heart attacks. I don’t know if he could still be alive if they had recognised what was happening. On top of that like many of you I have all the money worries, loneliness, not wanting to be here anymore and feel that my life is dropping away bit by bit. I just want him back and don’t really accept that he is dead even though I was with him when he died, that’s just like a bad dream a different place that I don’t want to acknowledge. I message him daily, asking him not to leave, telling him what is happening, trying to keep the connection and sometimes I feel he is with me but often that he isn’t. I just want him back and I want to know if he should still be alive and if something went wrong in hospital.
Dear Mol
Sorry for loss. It’s such a devastating time and totally unbelievable.
The ‘ what ifs ‘ are a nightmare. As well as grieving in general there’s always that uncertainty. I lost my husband in March to a heart attack.
I often wonder if more could have been done at the time, if the outcome could have been different, especially has he woke that morning not feeling to great but not really knowing how he felt.
I wish there was some way of gaining comfort from this crazy awful situation
Please take care
Dee xx
Hi Dee,
I’m sorry to hear about your husband, it seems so cruel that someone can be feeling ill, nothing specific, and then just die.
My worry is that my husband was in hospital, seeing doctors and nurses all the time on an acute cardio ward, yet they didn’t notice , according to two consultants, that he was having heart attacks. When he died I asked the consultant why they hadn’t noticed that, he looked me straight in the eye and said that it was a very question and one that I was going to have to ask.
I have a friend who is also a consultant who has offered to look at his notes for me to see if he feels anything is amiss. I have to try to get hold of his notes to find out what went on, as the consultants on ACU never spoke to me, they haven’t returned the phone call I made the day before he died. I don’t know what will happen to my son and I if we find out that he died because the hospital made mistakes. Howw do we cope with knowing he could still be here if someone had done their job properly?
I so understand what you are going through. My husband passed away 5 weeks ago. Delays in his diagnosis led to sepsis and jaundice in March. They finally operated 5 weeks ago and it too far longer than they expected, due to his deterioration. He had a huge blood clot and an embolism, within the space of an hour we went from talking about his coming home, to my watching them try in vain to resuscitate him. I just keep going over what if’s and miss him so much. Seems like a mountain to climb doesn’t it?
I’m so sorry to here you’ve been through this as well. I’m about to start trying to get hold of the hospital notes. I have a friend who is a consultant in another field and my GP who have both volunteered to read the notes and explain them to me so that Our son and I can then decide whether to take it further to a formal complaint. It is exhausting and distressing but we need to know whether my husband should still be with us.
I have also been advised to ask for a face to face meeting with the consultants, by my friend who is a consultant. In his words, “ They need to understand that you are a person who has lost her husband and that they may have a responsibility for that.” He has also recommended that I take someone with us to that meeting who will have a clear head, I’m going to ask another friend who is a chaplain at a hospice if she will come with me, she is also used to dealing with consultants.
Good luck with your next steps.
So sorry to hear you are going through this awful journey I too feel my husband would be here if they had not made mistakes in intensive care it makes it worse to deal with all the what ifs we will never know feel he was robbed of his life and I have to live rest mine without him it’s unbearable if it was not for my family and not wanting them to have more pain I would not be able to carry on we have a court hearing in new year big hugs to you all having to be on here to talk about this x