Hi @Kat1984,
I see your dilemma, my first thought is your just being honest, it’s always best to be honest.
My ex is a cocaine addict, though you wouldn’t think it to look at him, he was always so charming & sociable with everyone he met in public, it was alone with him behind closed doors if he didn’t have his fix he could get nasty.
Also, my dad is a problem drinker, when he can’t handle stuff, he binge drinks, & like my ex, he refuses to accept it’s a problem, & always has been, tries to act all sociable with other people, but at home he can get nasty, the last 2 years since my mom passed especially have been horrendous. But it’s something I grew up with, so I’m used to it. Sadly, & frustratingly, there is quite a stigma in society around addiction, sadly people judge a situation they’ve never been through themselves, & this traps the addicts family & friends in the “taboo cycle” of addiction, because no-one dares talk about it & risk being judged, but it’s only by being honest, opening up & talking about these things that we can break that cycle. On the other side of this, people that have had what I call a “normal” family life, without the trauma of addiction, don’t know how to respond to a situation they are unfamiliar with. But don’t let this scare you, you are only being honest, it’s not speaking ill of the dead if you’re telling the truth.
Telling people you meet so much information sounds like you feel a need to talk about it, for family of addicts & alcoholics there is a support group called AL-ANON, alternatively if you think it might help, counciling might help with this.
One thing you can usually count on is people’s morbid curiosity, & their need to fill the quiet in a conversation when they don’t know what else to say, this is probably why when saying someone passed away, they ask why. My only answer to this is to pre-script what you would like to say, or how much you feel comfortable to say, if answering a question they ask makes you feel uncomfortable, you can just honestly say, “I don’t want to talk about it,” or “I don’t feel comfortable talking about this,” & move the conversation on, (I find it helps to either, make a simple comment about the weather, or look for something you can use as a distraction, ie- “aren’t they nice flowers in that garden, do you know what type of flowers they are?” Or “that’s a nice broach your wearing, is it new?” Or if appropriate, use something you’ve seen on TV, maybe the news to change the subject, ie- “did you see Eurovision this year?” Etc. The important thing is don’t make yourself uncomfortable for other people’s curiousity, but talk about it if you’re comfortable to do so. Hope this helps.
it just bugs the hell out of me. I was the only one who was there for him for 9 years trying to work alongside it. I accepted that in the end there was nothing more me or anyone else could do. It was down to him and he couldn’t stop!