Hi everyone, I lost my beautiful wife to liver and spine cancer last October. She was diagnosed at the end of June having been treated for suspected sciatica previously. Ever since she passed away I’ve been wracked with feelings of guilt about things I could have/should have done but didn’t - it’s like a nightmare version of the lyrics for ‘always on my mind’ on a continual loop. Does anyone else struggle like this?
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Hi @Dazzaman
I think we all struggle with guilt and should haves and why didn’t I.
None of us should. We all did our best.
I feel guilty for having a go at him when he was dying. I was exhausted and everyone says I’ve to let it go. But how? Its there and I can’t forget it. I know he still loved me, and needed me to be with him, and I was right until the end.
But the guilt is still lurking even though I know what everyone is telling me is right. I’ve just got to convince my brain
I’m sure its the same with you.
The song we need on a loop is ‘Let it Go’
X x
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Did she do anything which hurt you? I bet you would easily forgive her for anything.
Would she forgive you?. Im pretty sure she would.
The last thing to do is forgive yourself as well!
Ive been there. Its not easy, needs work, but its the way to go.
Good luck.
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@Dazzaman I’ve spent months wondering what I should or could have done differently…and whether the outcome would have been the same or would we have had more time.
The truth is, we did our absolute best, with the knowledge and the skills and the love that we had at the time…
We did our absolute best…
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Yes feeling guilty is the most difficult part of loosing my mum in late 21. I try to think of all our happy times, I know there are there but they slip away and all the times things went wrong cling to my mind instead. I step through the day ok but I know I’m avoiding thinking about her which is bugging me.
She didn’t like being in photos but perhaps I have pictures of times that remind me of happy events, I could look for them. I probably won’t do this because I’m busy but can try.
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I’m sorry for your loss. Yes, I do that too. I lost my dad and the shoulds are haunting me. It comes in waves, like the grief and my brain is so cruel that everytime I try to tell myself I did my best, a tiny voice counters that if you did your best he would still be here. I suppose we all have something we regret, something that feels like it would have changed things. Forgiving ourselves is the hardest to do. Hopefully we will be able to, one day. Sending hugs. 
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Hi yes I still have those could’ve, should’ve thoughts and they are difficult to control. I wish I had spoken up more to the hospital doctors. Although why would they listen to me when they had already made their decisions? Sending love and peace to us all.X
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