Shoulder dystocia

My daughter went into labour at 40+2weeks, labour progressed well and katy coped with just gas and air, and a birth pool at home. They decided on a home birth because of covid. Katy pushed her daughters head out with no problems at all, turned to her partner and said…we’ve done it…she’ll be here in a minute…i’m so excited to meet her”. Then it all went awfully wrong…the babys shoulders were jammed, there were 3 midwives there, and the ambulances arrived in 4 minutes…they tried everything to free the baby but couldn’t, after 19 minutes our beautiful Alma was born already an angel. The phone call i received from my daughter haunts me every night when i get into bed. To see my daughter and her partner so utterly broken is beyond words…the pain is physical, it makes me feel sick. 5 months later and it hurts just the same, i’ve had some counselling which helped a bit. I wish i knew what to do to help my daughter, i know this will never ever go away and we have to learn to live with it. It is so hard

Dear JoW,
Everyone reading your very sad post will be so sorry to read of the death of your beautiful granddaughter. The pain defies description.
There is an organisation called SANDS. (Stillbirth and NeoNatal Death Society) which can offer support in this situation.
I was helped by them enormously following the death at just seven hours of my first son born nearly thirty three years ago now. It was my first experience of true despair but being able to join a group of ladies who had suffered something so traumatic was a life (and sanity) saver. As with any grief, only those who have experienced it can truly empathise.
Clearly this society has many years of experience of supporting families who suffer the tragedy of losing a baby and I will forever be grateful for the help I received.
I joined this forum following the sudden death of my husband. It was remembering the value of the help from SANDS which made me aware of how important it is to engage with people who genuinely understand the devastation grief brings in its wake.
The contact number on their website is :020 7436 7940
If you decide to get in touch I do hope that your daughter and indeed all of you will get the support and comfort you so need. Thinking of you.