I lost my sister last year. Feel worse now than I did then, because of disturbing dreams.
Towards the end of life, my brother-in-law said I could not visit because Sis did not want me to see her like that, so I complied and did not visit but got to talk on phone. At the end, I was forbidden to go to her funeral! I was not told when or where and by the time I Sherlock Holmes’d the answers the funeral was over, but I don’t know where her remains are and B-I-L refuses to talk to me on the phone or by letter. I feel like some kind of monster. My relationship with Sis was brilliant, I am so hurt by everything and the nightmares ( where B-I-L is calm and I am in tears begging to know where Sis is) plague me so much I feel crazy. This is a problem with no resolution except time. I know I am depressed. I cry at the slightest thing. I am angry at B-I-L and don’t know where to go for comfort. 
Hello @janeinthecorner,
I can see that you’re new to the community, so I wanted to say that I am so sorry for the loss of your sister that brings you here.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that may help right now.
- Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
- Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS
- Our free Online Bereavement Counselling which is held via video chat
- Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through.
You might also want to look at Losing a sibling.
Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
Take care,
Alex