Losing a sibling feels like losing a part of yourself, a bond that can never be replaced. It has been 6 months since my brother left this world as I held his hand, and with each passing day, I feel like I’m moving further away from him. It’s a pain I can’t describe, and it’s made worse by how often siblings seem to be forgotten in the process of grief.
People don’t check in anymore. They don’t ask how I’m doing, and it feels like my brother is fading from their memories. But not from mine. I carry the weight of his absence every single day, and I’m angry, angry at the world for taking someone who had so much life left to live.
I don’t know how to navigate this. No one teaches you how to live without someone from your childhood who is supposed to be there til you grow old. I just want people to know that siblings grieve too. We hurt too.
I’m so sorry to hear about your brother. Please know that you are not alone - many of our members have lost a sibling and will understand some of what you’re going through. If you have a look through some of the posts in our Losing a sibling forum, you can read other siblings’ experiences.
You might already be familiar with our other Online Bereavement Support services, but if not, you can find out more about our Online Counselling service, our Grief Coach text support service, and our Grief Guide self-help tools by visiting the link.
Hey Angel,I’m reaching out as I feel exactly the same as you. I could’ve written these words.There is no title for the sibling that’s loses but it’s a loss of a lifetime were the forgotten mourners. As heartbreaking as it is to go through life without them we have to carry on through that pain and all the anger. Losing someone young is awful as we know it’s not meant to be that way, my sister will always be that missing link as will your sibling and o know they took a part of us with them. We grieve because we love them so dearly, I’m thankful for having my sister but I will miss her presence for the rest of my life. Some say time makes it easier I’m not to sure about that as I just feel further away from her. I do hope you have a support around you family freinds colleagues. Please feel free to message me I’m a good listener x
Your words have resonated with the grief I am experiencing. I am so sorry for your loss.
My 51 year old sister passed away 18 months ago after a liver transplant that was unsuccessful. She spent 10 days in ICU, fighting for her life but ultimately the new liver failed and she was too poorly to receive an emergency transplant. I hid my grief to help my partner who lost his Mum at the same time.
Then three months ago, just as I felt strong enough to unbox my feelings, I received the devastating news that my darling brother had passed away, alone at home, he was 55. His 21 year old son came home from work and found him.
Nothing prepares you for the loss of a sibling. I thought loosing our parents would give me an understanding of the process. I was wrong.
Our lives were so intertwined, they knew everything about me. They were my best friends. They were my shoulders to cry on when life was a struggle. They were my go to for advice.
I am left floundering and trying to navigate life without them. I am trying to support my nieces and nephews but I get forgotten in that support network.
My partner is still dealing with the death of his mother and is caring for his elderly father so I feel guilty when I cry or struggle around him. I struggle to talk to my children about my devastation because they are also grieving for the Aunty and Uncle and as their Mum, I am supposed to be the strong one.
Hi Ruby, I know I am not alone on this journey, and others will resonate with the words I have put. As the days go by we struggle, those passing days take a piece of us every single morning. It’s a repetitive cycle, waking up is like losing them all over again.
I just wanted people on the forum to understand the pain and torment in which us siblings grieve, and how we are forgotten about. We play a part in our siblings lives too, but more often than not overlooked through this process.
Thank you for replying to me, and you can always message me too whenever you are struggling.
I still struggle, I still cry and I still don’t know how to feel about it all, I was lucky to start with, I had my involvement planning everything, his eulogy, his funeral, his wake, and making sure everyone around me was cared for during this process, but no one did the same for me.
My brother spent 2 days in the ICU, after his road traffic collision (RTC), he put up a good fight but the life he could’ve had if he had made it through, wouldn’t have been the one he would have wanted.
I understand how you put your feeling above others too, as I did the exact same thing. I planned the funeral, I wrote a eulogy, I went to the chapel, I sat and spoke for hours. I looked after every single person around me through this process yet no one picked up I was struggling too.
Before my brothers RTC he rode by me smiling and waving I’ll never forget that smile! And 5 minuets later he was involved in the RTC. I’ll never forget that day; it replays in my mind whether it be in a dream, as I wake, a daydream, it’s traumatic.
I hope you have someone to confide in. If not my messages are always open when struggling. As I struggle more often than not but I’m portrayed as the ‘strong one’ out of us all, and feel as though I can’t confide as when I speak about him, it brings it all back for my parents, and other siblings.