Sick MIL interfering

I’ve recently moved to London from NZ after my fiance proposed to me. His mother has terminal cancer sadly. I don’t know anyone here, so she has been my saving grace.
When I first met her, she was so lovely, warm and welcomed me into the family. As time went by she started to detest me to the point where she’s been saying things to her son to make him not want to marry me… im heartbroken and confused.
It’s affecting my mental health, I cry every day and my anxiety is at it’s worst.
I feel so helpless.

I would greatly appreciate any advice
Thank you

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Dear @Evemae

Welcome to the Community. I am sorry to hear that your future mother in law is terminally ill.

I would have a chat with your Fiancé and let him know how you feel. When someone is terminally ill or nearing the end of their life they may suffer from mood swings and personality changes.

I would not take any of this personally and put it all down to the condition that your Fiancé’s mum has. It could be that she scared and anxious about what lies ahead and anger is her way of dealing with her condition.

I would continue being an amazing daughter-in-law by supporting her son and being there for her.

Please continue to reach out here, you are not alone and we will always listen.

Take care.



It’s so complicated, he’s so conflicted. I’ve never made him feel like he has to choose, but his mum has blocked me and won’t speak to her son because of his choices and because of that he’s so cold toward me.

But thank you for the lovely message. It’s so hard to find a safe space to talk about something so delicate

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Dear Evemay,

Many, many years ago, in 1964 I met the love of my life. He told me that his mum had cancer and didn’t have long to live. We knew we were meant to be together and he wanted me to meet his mum before she died. I honestly thought she would have been happy that her only son would not be alone after she died as his father had died 12 years earlier. When I met her she was in a hospital bed in her bedroom and she asked me to sit down next to her. She asked her son to leave and when he had gone, she said to me something I have never forgotten She said, (If I was a fit woman he would not be with the likes of you). I didn’t say a word but just went back down stairs. She died the following week.

Peter and I were married 47 years and together 50 and sadly he died eight years ago and I never, ever told him what his mum had said to me all those years ago.

I know it sounds terrible, but I consider myself a very lucky woman that I never had her for a mother in law because she would have broken us up.

Bide your time and show your fiance how much you love him, be there for him as much as you can because he will need all the support you can give him when his mum dies. Bite your tongue, be pleasant and let nature take it’s course.

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