Since losing mum her siblings have ignored me

Good morning everyone. Here i am another morning laying in my bed when i should be doing a million things. I have just read a few articles that the lovely members have posted and it seems I’m not the only one.
I cared for my mum in her home alongside the brilliant team at sue Ryder and support of my hubbie and brother and sister in law and her friends and she passed peacefully last June.
The funeral and the tea and wake afterwards was text book perfect. People laughed we looked at photos of our beautiful popular mum, friends poured teas and made cakes and it was like one of my mum’s dos that she’d put on for family and friends all of her life… She didn’t have much but what she did have she shared…
and i made sure i gave everybody items of my mum’s and mementos and was extremely inclusive to all her lovely friends and family.

Now the horrible bit is one of her siblings is really avoiding me and another really off with me. But they are communicating amongst each other. But i don’t know why…
To the point at the weekend i had a cousin have a real go at me over money as my mum’s closest sibling had offered to pay for the interment as they were very close to my mum. And they were very passionate they wanted to do this. This brother is very poorly and we have been looking after him as much a we can as we are a 100 miles away. Which they are obviously jealous of…

We have arranged for our mum’s ashes to be interred in a few weeks but mum’s family have made the whole thing unbearable. Some of them should be attending and i can’t ask them not to because of my Uncle but I’m having nightmares and it’s taken away my lovely memories of my lovely mum who i loved and still love with all my heart as i used to talk to her everyday.

Sorry i know this is heavy but i wondered if anyone else had felt excluded from family?

Sending love and hope to you all in your journey of living life without your loved ones in it xx

Hi i lost my Husband nearly 4 months ago and i have not heard from any of his family since his funeral i cared for him untill the end and now feel like i have been pushed out of his family his mum said to me on the day of his funeral you will always be a part of our family but does not feel like i am any more

Hello Sue

I’m so sorry to hear that. When you could most do with support so soon after losing your husband.

I asked myself is it because they are hurt? I never thought I’d have to deal with other people’s reactions about losing someone.

Thankyou for sharing, my thoughts are with you

I know they may be hurting as well but at times like this we should stand by each other we have all lost a loved one if they stood by us we could all get through it together instead of feeling like we are on our own

Yes you are exactly right. This is when we need them most and already have so many things going on inside.
You have to remember that you looked after your husband as i did my Mum and that’s what we have to remember we gave our all and if they were still here today they would be so grateful for that.

1 Like

My mum has a sister that basically said to her years ago not to go back to her door over something stupid, she didn’t. When my mum died her son said she was devastated and has not been in touch as doesn’t know what to say, who does! I personally think it’s guilt. There was a mix up before the funeral and she thought she was going in the car, my mum would not have wanted that and I didn’t care about offending anyone I said no. Some people you can’t please and you shouldn’t have to deal with this, it’s tough enough as it is just you do what is best for you and your mum.

Take care.
Valda xx

I think you are right Valda… Guilt and the smallest things instead of people being open about what really is going… on it just festers…

I’m so sorry that you have also had issues like that. Like you said sometimes we have to make decisions based on what our loved ones would have wanted. It’s blooming hard though especially when there’s lots of people involved.

Thankyou for your support x

1 Like

My mum was 1 of 9 kids and apart from the 1 she was the main person of the family who brought everyone together and her memory will go on how the majority of them paid tribute to that quality she had after she died and I was blown away by the love they all had for her.
It’s taking a step back and saying we are doing it for them even though it may be difficult.
Valda xx

1 Like

Thankyou Valda
Your Mum sounds very similar to mine… The lynch pin for the family… Yes i just have to focus that Mum wouldn’t have wanted any of this. I shall be glad when it’s all over. Kind regards xx

1 Like