She was my first friend. I knew my sister longer than anyone. I knew my father for 32 yrs my mother 42 yrs and my dear younger sister 59yrs.
We had a shared history, connection and love that has left a chasm as big as anything I’ve known. I’m typing this with tears streamdown my face 10months later wondering if it’s ever going to get better, it can’t because she’s gone and gone forever. I think about her every day. If it wasn’t for having a partner, daughter and grandson i would happily walk away. Sometimes, often I wish for it.
Hi @Stevenmc2 ,
Thank you so much for sharing this with the community 
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I just wanted to let you know that you have been heard and you are not alone.
Take good care,
Alex
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Hello Stevenmc2, So sorry for the loss of your beloved sister. Your post resonated with me, I also lost my younger sister. When we lost our parents we supported each other through the grief. Now I need the one person who can get me through this crushung heartbreak, and she is gone. Like you & your sister, we shared an unbreakable bond, more than sisters we were best friends, confidants, and soul mates. I was older but often looked to her for her always wise, honest and insightful advice and input. I am further along than you, and with that I am expected to have “moved on” by now. Nevertheless, as you decribed the “chasm” really never closes, and that void remains, because nothing or noone will ever be able to fill it. Sibling loss is often dismissed and invalidated in our society, but it is indeed the person we have known the longest and share a history. The best I can offer is try to look for support where you can, on this site, in a support group, or with a grief counselor, or a trusted understanding friend. I have reached out to all of the above, and in combination it has helped to some degree. I return to this site because I know I will be offered caring words and nonjudgemental concern. I wish I had a magic wand to give you hope, however it is a process that will take strength, time, and all the courage you can muster. You are not alone, and remember there are others here willing to listen to your pain. My heart goes out to you, as I also struggle through life without that special person who brightened my world. A light has been dimmed. Take care and post again, Xxx Another Sad Sister
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Hi, I feel fir you. I too have lost a sister recently. She was my everything. I know how you feel. It hurts real bad. Ive not been able to return to work yet. She had chosen a unattended cremation. I didnt know. The last I saw her was being removed by undertakers in a body bag and a black private ambulance. I have flash backs. I feel like she went away in a bin bag. It was so cold and callous. Her family , all men had a boozy night out at Christmas. Ive had nothing. This is my 2nd sister to pass. I miss them so much. Counsellor said grief remains the same we just live around it. Shexwas cured of esophageal cancer in Aug and took funny furns in Sept and mud sept we were told it had metastisized to her brain. Gone within weeks. I am heartbroken and find no solace anywhere. 6 sessions at cruse and out you go. My safety net is over. I wish I could say it gets better but im where you are. All i can say is i can empathize. So sorry for your loss.
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Thank you so much for reaching out and your understanding I really do appreciate it and particularly from someone who fully understands the pain and loss. You are so right that this kind of loss is rarely spoken or acknowledged. I’ve gone through the pain of losing my father and mother and we were both there for each other. I was the big brother and I should have been the one to go first and not her. I suppose at least she was spared the pain and grief that I now feel. I always tried to be there for her throughout life as big brother and the eldest but this time I was powerless and that was so difficult. My earliest memories are those with my sister, thick as thieves, we fought like cat & dogs for a period but then went on to share a flat together (and friends), sometimes I didn’t see her for a long time but she was my constant in one way or another, my first friend!
I do hope that this connection is also helpful for you. I imagine that it will get better for us both, I’m sure it will through the passage of time. Hey, if interested I live in Edinburgh but originally from Glasgow Scotland. THANK YOU
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My sister also had cancer, then cured but a related stroke not long after. She was so, so strong and whilst the stroke changed her life forever she got on with it and accepted her new life as it was with it’s many challenges. She was my shero for the strength and courage she produced. But then, like your sister, the cancer came back- so fkn unfair after everything she had gone through, but this time- terminal and very sadly reached her brain. I emphasise totally as to what that was like. I lied to my sister, that breaks my heart, she looked to me for reassurance that it was going to be alright, and of course I told her of course it was, as I had always done, but this time, I was powerless. Thanks for replying to me i really do appreciate it and I feel your pain. Hey, we will get through this. Got to be strong for our sisters but it’s also alright to not be strong at times and ride the waves. THANK YOU.
Hi Stevenmc2
Thank you so much for replying. It just sucks doesn’t it? Somedays seam surreal. It will all work out in the end. I and probsbly you will not return to the people we were. I have changed. Do you feel that? Life will go on and at some stage it will get busy and we will be absorbed in life again but I know things or me can never be the same. A different life awaits to live. Ach she was my everything! Feels like ive lost an arm. I would have done anything for her not to have had this. I hate cancer…the very word makes my stomach churn. Some days its just too hard to try. Others, I know she wants me to be happy. Your sister wouldnt have traded places with you nor would mine, such us the power and bond of sibling love. Im in N.I. enjoying a cool sunny day. Writing in my journal. Have a good day. Thank you for your thoughts.