Sister Died & I was no contact

My sister died last year of a drug and alcohol overdose. We were no contact at the time and her last message to me was so bitter and vile. She lived with my mother who I was also no contact with as she is also an alcoholic and addicted to meds(uppers, downers) The police found 500 boxes of non prescribed medication in my sisters room and a lot of those belonged to my mother. I have been blamed for all of this by extended family. Even though i told them i was walking away (again) as the mother was so abusive. I wasn’t welcome at the funeral (i did attend though) and wasn’t even mentioned in the service. My mother has done what she does best and moved away to start again (history of running away) and i’m here still in the local area with my husband and children. I tried so hard to help them and they didn’t want the help. You can’t help those who don’t want to be helped is what i have always said, but i feel so sad that me and my sister didn’t get the opportunity to sort things out. I’m really glad i have found this site as its hopefully going to help me. Also im starting the online counselling here and am hoping i’m it will help. I’m not angry anymore i’m just sad at the mess it all has become. My children have lost an aunt, I have lost my sister (we were very close growing up as I protected her) and she has no legacy other than dying of an overdose (accidental) It’s like she didn’t even exist…

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Hello, I am so sorry to hear about your sister and the tragic way in which she died. Substance abuse destroys lives and sadly some people find it very difficult to escape it and end up dying.

There is an Arabic proverb that goes something like “there are people who everyone knows on Earth but no one knows in the Heavens and there are people who no one knows on Earth but everyone knows in the Heavens”. Your sister might not have left a legacy behind, like a successful career, material wealth, or a family of her own, but I am sure there are many nice things she did in her life despite her susbtance abuse, we just don’t know about them.

I really hope you’re able to get the help you need at this site, there are lots of nice people who will be able to give you better advice than I can. All the best to you.


hi Mojo73
very sorry for the sad loss of your sister,and that over the years your contact was nigh on non existent .And that the bond you had when much younger faded.
also sorry your mum was abusive and took the wrong path herself in life.
i hope you can,just focus all your love onto your Husband and your children.
please try not to let the extended family get in your head.
Give your children all the love and nurturing you can ,and make them realize that its important to be there for each other in there lives.and hopefully you will be able to grieve for the loss of your sister and try keep in your mind the times you were close and remember the good times you once shared.try be kind to your self as well ,so you can be their for your little family.
regards ian

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I lost my twin sister in April 2019 and we hadn’t talked for several months after a stupid argument. Even now I struggle that we did not make up before she died, we fought our entire lives but always made up and would have given our lives to save the other. As twins, it feels like half of me disappeared the day she died. She died because of her obesity enlarging her heart, something she made no attempt to fix.

Hi Mojo73,
So sorry to hear of your sisters loss.
It must have been devastating to re-read those last msgs between the two of you.
Just wanted to reach out as I understand some of what you’re going through. I’ve not been in contact with my own mum in 7 years now as she is an abusive and manipulative person with substance abuse problems who I had to protect my siblings from. It is so painful to be in the position of not being able to help those we love who refuse to be helped. Try not to let the extended family get to you (easier said than done, I know), how could it possibly be your fault this awful thing has happened. At some point you can either continue the harmful family cycle or walk away for your own sanity, and you’ve made the right choice, so your broader family have no right to judge you. I hope your hubby and kids can help you through this dark time. Take care of yourself. X