Sisters suicide

Hi, I am from a family of seven children, the eldest being 73, the youngest 58. My youngest sister moved to Australia 30 years ago with her husband and two children. In February I received a phone call to say my youngest sister had tried to take her own life with alcohol and pills. This was a huge shock to us all as she seemed to have a wonderful life, no money issues, lovely home, two beautiful grandsons and took at least three/four holidays a year. We knew my sister liked a drink but obviously we didn’t realise just how much she liked to drink. She was a nurse and lost her job because of her drinking, when she went home her and her husband had words about her drinking but were ok. They went to bed and the following morning she told her husband she had tried to take her own life but changed her mind because of him, her children, grandchildren and the cruise they were about to go on. What she didn’t tell him was she had taken slow release panadol and it wasn’t until the following day when she wouldn’t get out of bed that her husband realised something was wrong so phoned for an ambulance. Her heart stopped twice in the ambulance and she was on life support for nine weeks but eventually the machine had to be switched off. Along with my family here in the UK we feel very guilty for not knowing just how unhappy our baby sister was, we thought she was happy as that was the side to her that she showed to us. Because of th distance between us we felt helpless, just waiting for the next update was horrendous, far worse than when our parents died as they were old and you expect it, but you don’t expect your youngest sibling to go first do you? I think we could accept it more if she had been ill.

Hello Maureenuk. I’m so sorry to read of your tragic loss and the devastation that you as a family must be going through. I’m 52 but when I was 10 I lost my Dad to suicide and just 2 years ago my younger Brother was “rescued” by a stranger whilst in the process of a suicide attempt. It’s not on the same scale as your loss I know. My Brother had reactive depression after a relationship ended but when it “comes out of the blue” like for you, it must be absolutely devastating. Sadly, even if you are with someone day in, day out and they don’t want you to know, they can carry on to the “untrained” eye as normal and the signs aren’t obvious. Don’t bottle up your emotions and hold things in because they don’t go away. I’m sorry I can’t be more positive but I just wanted to acknowledge your post and say how sorry I am to read of your distress. Take care.

Hi Tina, thank you for your kind words, it must have been very hard for you as a ten year old to lose your dad and not understand why. Until this happened to our family I didn’t realise how many people took their lives for whatever reason. It was always something that happened to someone else, never us, I now know that’s not true. We don’t think my sister meant to take her life, we think she just got so drunk and didn’t realise how many she had taken and that is why she never told her husband. She was always so strong minded, happy and jolly, we don’t know if that was an act or she really was unhappy, even her husband of nearly 40 years didn’t think she was depressed, he knew she had a drink problem but not depression. Like lots of people in this situation I am having good days and bad days, I suppose it will just take time to learn to cope with our loss. It’s her young family I feel for, her son, although he is 32 he is autistic and can not understand why his mum is not coming home, that breaks everyone’s heart as you can imagine.

Hello again Maureen. I can understand your worry for her Son and other Children. That must be really hard. Her Husband must be in pieces as well. It’s a blessing you can rely on your Husband to help you through. Someday, in time the “good” days will outnumber the bad ones. I lost my Husband 18 months ago to a heart condition and I’m still waiting for the “good” days but all we can do is try isn’t it. Take care. PS, there are quite a few threads on the forum where people speak of suicide loss, they may be helpful for you.

Thanks Tina, I’ve had a look through some of the other posts and they do help. I hope it’s not too long till your good days out number your bad days. I don’t know about you but, even though I have my own little family I still feel alone at times, if that makes sense, I think because they have not lost a sibling they don’t quite know how to handle the situation so I find myself telling them I am ok when really I’m not, do,you ever feel like that?