Six Months On
Tomorrow is the 6 month anniversary. I have no idea where the time has gone and yet I can’t imagine mum being here anymore either.
It’s a strange amount of time, it’s a small and big amount all at once.
What’s hard though is the things she wanted me to be doing by now. Get a job, soon after. Not an important one but just something to get you out of the house. Part time. A shop. Anything. We’d planned all the places I would go and visit. The things that I’d sacrificed to care for her for that year and a half. The dance competitions, trips, visits to friends houses that came with the last few months and the year after leaving uni.
I’m now at that point where I want to do those things, I feel able to do those things and know that would help me get out of bed in the morning.
But I can’t do them. I’m stuck inside the house that has so many memories but I can’t get out. I got coronavirus and there was no one to look after me. Thankfully it was mild and I stayed at home but I can’t now work on the frontline and take up the job that is got in a care home to help.
I can’t go up to Sue Ryder and remember all the good time’s we had there.
What I can do is her crafting. Some of it is awful! She was much better at it than me but I want to finish those projects now. I sit around, watch tennis replays and try to be grateful for what I do have.
Anyone else feeling similar?
I’m toying with starting a grief podcast. I used to have a radio show at uni and loved it, this was the closest I could think of getting some of that enjoyment back. Would people listen? Particularly for under 30s (I’m 23) Thanks