Its been 6 weeks since losing my partner of 30 years to cancer -to watch him deteriorate so quickly and have to accept that he was leaving was so hard but then having to get to know grief has been something only those that have lost someone will understand.The range of emotions, depth of despair of coming to terms with realising that I have lost my best friend forever.Realising that no matter how much I try and keep busy it wont stop the overwhelming grief attacks that sneak up.Realising that nothing can fill the empty void left by him and feeling very lonely still even when surrounded by other people or on my own.I don’t fit into my life anymore and have no idea how my life will be,all our plans are gone.One day is total despair,another day there is hope and I feel total exhaustion with the range of emotions.I know one thing though and that is having this site has helped me so much,I read your stories and comments and being with others that understand this new way of life has got me through some of the low times.I just want to say thank you to all on here that write their true emotions which has so helped and to express love and strength to all x
I am so sorry you find yourself in this horrible position like so many of us trying to make sense of the future without the love of our life.
Your phrase ‘I don’t fit into my life any more’ sums it up. It’s terrifying and is exactly how I feel. X
Im so sorry for your loss -why do we have to go through so much pain.
Each day I get up and start the day and try and do something --some days it works and some days it doesn’t. I don;t know how to live this new life -i;m hoping i can work it out.Take care x
Hi Trac. I am relatively new to this site and now it has become like my best friend. I know that no matter how low I feel there is always someone listening . I am further along my journey than you are but I know exactly how you are suffering.Your grief is raw and it overwhelms you.For the first year I almost relived my whole life with my Ron.I thought about how fit and healthy he always looked.How suntanned he was after our hols and how it never wore off.How precious our holidays were and then how desperately thin he became. Gradually I had half a day when the thoughts subsided and then I found I could do a little cleaning or renovating. On the odd day it would all seem so hopeless again. I would not want to get dressed or even have a wash.Now I accept the feelings and know I will never ev er forget my husband but I will have times when I am actually living again. I Tried counselling but I found I was hearing the same old cliches so I stopped it because I believe that the only people who can help me are the ones who have suffered grief themselves.Finding this site has been a God send to me and I am sure it will be to you too.We are all here to listen and talk and share our experiences which to me is better than any counselling. Life is never the same but it becomes bearable again. I send you my condolences on the loss of your precious husband and I am so glad you found this site.
Im so sorry for your loss,this is such an emotional journey and it seems that time does make things abit easier but just accepting that your partner is gone forever is so overwhelming when all I want to do is talk to him but that part of my life has shut forever.His belongings are all around and everything is the same except he has gone. I know it is early days ,I feel a certain peace when i am on this site as I know everyone on here gets it. I try and do one thing a day which is usually walking the dog -anything else is a bonus. I hope you have a peaceful day x
Hi Trac.Early hours of the morning and I am still awake.It is good to keep your beloved husband"s things around if that is what makes you feel closest to him
It broke my hear everytime I looked in Ron’s wardrobe and saw all his lovely shirts etc.He liked his jewellery too and had several leather wristlets and watches.I gave some to his best friend who keeps them placed on a photo frame with Ron’s photo. I kept 2 of his favourite shirts and a couple of the wristlets. I also kept Ron’s Bob hat that he insisted on wearing when going for chemo.It is full of bubbles now but I can’t get rid of it.You just have to do what is best to cope with your emotions.Everyone is different. I have Ron’s ashes in his wardrobe and even though I can’t even look at them I am comfortable feeling he is at home until we are both together again.I too feel so overwhelmed knowing I will never speak to or touch my husband again. I never thought he would die even though he had inoperable pancreatic cancer.We never talked about it and we never asked for a prognosis. It all happened so quickly at the end.I never realised he was dying g even though he had lost so much weight and was skeletal.i miss him so much and you will always miss your husband but it does get a little easier bit by bit. I am always here if you want to private message me.I know what that awful loneliness and shock is like.Sleep well and remember that tomorrow is just another day.x
Hi I am new to this site this week and wanted to say how sorry I am For your loss and also to everyone who have helped me this week with all your posts , it made me cry when i read yours ,I lost my husband like you to cancer suddenly in February and you summed up how I feel I wish you well and send hugs take care of yourself
I have Davids ashes with me at home and I just cant bear to part with them yet.I guess a part of me still hasn’t accepted that he’s gone and like you i think i was in denial that he was going to die as it was so quick.I did try and clean up his drawer and got as far as his glasses case which was always with him --something so small set me off into an emotional state.I am making a list of things I have to do as I just forget and am not getting to grips with anything so I hope this helps me deal with things better.Everyday is a new day and like you say just another day. We can all help each other. Take care x
Hi 1967-Im so sorry for your loss and that you are going through this awful grief.I use this site as my retreat and it just feels like I am actually coming into a physical support group when I log on.I hope it does the same for you. We all have one terrible thing in common and we understand the pain of grief unfortunately, but we can all help each other just by what we write. That’s why I wanted to say Thank You to everyone as their words can have such a positive effect . I send you hugs and take care x
Hi Trac, I’m so sorry for the loss of your partner. I have read your posts and from them I can feel the pain you are going through. Yet you still take the time to thank others whilst struggling with your own grief. I’m quite sure it is appreciated by all.
Take care, AL x
Thanks AL2020 and Im so sorry for your loss of your precious wife. Aren’t we all in a terrible spot and just trying to make sense of it x
My partner of 19 years, husband of 8 days died 8 weeks ago and I feel so totally lost. We were fortunate to have 3 years together after his initial diagnosis, most people with his type of cancer (pancreatic) don’t get that long. He went downhill so rapidly at the end and we didn’t realise he was so close to leaving me, telling me things he was going to do when he came home. We didn’t have any real plans because he had been so ill but I had sorted a special room for him at home and it breaks my heart when I go into it and think he never got to see what I had done. I usually manage to get through the day ok but then something will trigger a memory and I am unable to control the tears. All I can do is hope that time will ease the pain, meanwhile I take comfort from this site
Trac i know how you feel i lost my partner of 40 years nov 19 to cancer i was reading your text and your story is so like my my heart goes out to you hopefully this site will help us understand where we go from shiela x
Hi Remster- Im so sorry for your loss, we lost our partners at similar times and im sure we are still in shock as it was such a rapid decline at the end.The worst time for me is waking up and seeing how i feel ! Some days you can deal with things and have quite a productive day but others like you say trigger a memory and back comes the despair and tears. I have a counselling session once a week and she says you have to feel the grief and let the emotions out and i guess the tears are healing but it feels so painful when these times come.I walk my dog every day and make an effort to notice nature and the beauty of it. Is there anything you do that you have found helps? This is such an up and down time isn’t it and yes I also hope that time will ease the pain.x
Hi Shiela --this is the hardest time of our life and i’m so sorry for you loss. I am finding counselling is helping me -at first i thought i didn’t want to speak to anyone as it was too painful but trying to avoid the pain just bottled it up --but i read about others on this site that had tried counselling and i just thought id give it a go. When we’ve been with our partners so long its such a change of life when they go and we are going to feel so many emotions. Someone on this site said a good website was whatsyourgrief.com which i will look at soon. Take care x
Hi all will somebody tell me why is it when something goes wrong i think it is the end of the world and break down
Hugs to you all on here, all in the same pain , together but separate. It’s 5 months since my husband died suddenly from a stroke and I would love to tell you things get better but sadly I can’t . The truth is, we’re never going to properly get over our loss but as time goes by we do find little changes happening unexpectedly. So I suppose it depends what we mean by better, we’ll never stop grieving for them but somehow our brains do start to adapt a little . Still tears every day but I don’t now need to go into the shower for a real sobbing session, it just feels like someone’s put a very sad blanket over me, But I have also found myself smiling occasionally at some funny memory of Malc which would have been unthinkable a few weeks ago. I have all his things around as they always were and now I can see them without that terrible stabbing pain and feeling of sickness that I used to get. For me realisation has just about set in now, I think I’ve finally accepted that I’ll never see or hear him again or feel his lovely capable hand in mine or strong arms around me. Devastating as this thought is, I’m not fighting it anymore so the exhaustion seems to have lessened a bit. And I’ve taken a bit more pride on my appearance too, that’s crept up on me slowly. Not long ago it was all I could do to shower get out of pjs and get dressed, and then only in leggings or jeans. I just didn’t care how I looked, the one person I wanted to look nice for wasn’t there so what was the point. Must be just a slob at heart! Not for me”he would want you to keep looking nice” and piling on the slap, I just didn’t care. No cleanser, toner, face cream, just a splash of water in the shower was all I bothered with. And I won’t mention my hair! . But I’m pleased to say that does start to change and you will get a tiny bit of yourself back and realise that you are managing to move forward, but it’s only snail’s pace. You’ll find this in a few months’ time. Love to you all x
Hi I found this site from googling symptoms and what a blessing it is. I don’t feel that I am alone in the all consuming numbness I feel. I lost my wife of 28 years. 8 weeks ago. This week would have been a holiday so instead I have scattered her ashes where she wanted. Her death was very sudden (cancer) the grief takes its time I know one day it will improve. Thank you all
Hi Simon, I am so sorry for the loss of your lovely wife. 8 weeks is very recent and as you say grief takes its time, but it would be a mistake to look for improvement too soon. But you’re right, it will improve and coming on to this site will hopefully help to give you some comfort. Welcome to the site you didn’t want to be on.
You will find many friendly and empathetic people on here who can relate to the pain of your loss.
Take care, AL
Simon, eight weeks is nothing, I am so sorry you lost your wife suddenly. I know grief hits us all differently but I know I was in shock for a long time as my husband died suddenly, had a stroke in his sleep and never regained consciousness . The shock affects you physically as well as emotionally , prepare for a roller coaster of a ride. Even now I still have the odd moment when I forget he’s no still here, want to show him something or tell him something then I remember. But as everyone on here says, it’s true it does get less raw, still so painful but manageable. Don’t expect too much of yourself and take care x