Sleeping and just trying to cope

Hello everyone, this is my first post i lost my mum on aprill 28th 2022. So be coming up 2 years end off this month and im dreading it. I still haven’t fully grieved. Its a strange process mixed with alot of different emotions. Since finding my mum in her bed the morning she passed. I can’t get over that . My mum was my absolute world. I miss her so so much. My sleeping has not been right since that morning basically ive turned into an insomniac. My mum passed from a tripple a. Abdominal aortic aneurism. The night in question she seemed happy. And i felt guilty because she was explaining a film she had watched on tv. And i was not really listening. When mum came to bed she started being sick. And said she had lots of wind trapped in her back. But she didn’t look well. I said im calling an ambulance and she said you dare call one. I think my mum new what was happening and to shield me from it made up that she didn’t feel well . She was so brave to do that. And more i feel she wanted to be in her own bed at her own home not in some hospital. It was almost as if she had placed herself in bed knowing what was to come . She looked so peaceful in the morning when i found her. I was screaming inconsolable. Eventually i calmed enough and got hold of family members who all rushed to me. I layed with my mum for a good hour talking to her about things and telling her how much im going to miss her. Sounds so strange but to me it felt like sole then left her body it was if she was inside waiting to see if I’d be ok. I miss her so much. Thanx for all your support sue ryder xxx

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@Stephay sorry for your loss. When I read posts when people are still struggling even after a period of time it let’s me know that there is others who feel the same as me. My mum was a year past December and I found her at home, she was fine one day apart from feeling like she had a cold coming on and gone a couple of days later. I still see the image of finding her and yes sleep is still all over the place. I know mine would have been the same if I said I was calling an ambulance they feel like they are troubling someone. It’s so difficult when they have always been there we just need to take this journey a day at a time without them. Take care :heart:

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@Stephay so sorry for you loss I know exactly how you feel as this is exactly how my mam died to the triple a, it’s absolutely heartbreaking we have had to go through this but we loved them so much, just as much as they all loved us. Day by day it gets slightly easier but will never ever forget them. Hope you are ok xx

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Thankyou meens alot xx i do hope your coping ok x

Thankyou for sharing means alot :heart:

Thanyou for taking time to reply mean alot .hope you too are ok. :heart:

Thanx so much

Hope your doing ok today, we are all here for each other to offer what we can, take it all day by day xx

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Thankyou x

Im unsure if i replied correctly to the lovely people that had taken time to reply to me, im new on here and haven’t really grasped what does what. So please dont think i have ignored you. I hope everyone is coping best they can, your stories all bring great strength to others. Love and hugs to you all. Xx

Sorry for your loss @Stephay, I could not relate more having experienced same thing, my Mom was fine and she was trying to talk to me but I was not listening properly, idk what happened to her at night she left us within 2 mins and I carry the guilt till today, it will be 6 months for mom and I am struggling in all ways, barely alive and moving and faking everything everyday