Sleeping

Losing a partner
1

I slept a few hours last night for the first time and a I feel calmer this morning. I have been using Rescue Remedy,have for years,but this week I tried the gummies. They dont make you sleep just relax a little. We know its important to look after ourselves but if sleep doesnt come and you have no appetite ,its hard.I think being out in the garden helped as well. I so want to feel stronger but it just feels unbearable most of the time.

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I am glad you managed some sleep.my sleep has been all over the place. My son and daughter in law bought me some sleeping stones for Mother’s Day. I only used them twice .I did manage to sleep last night.

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Dear Woody

I use rescue remedy and sleepeze (boots own brand) it’s herbal. I also listen too boring history for sleep on YouTube on my phone, the volume down low so I have to focus on it. It helps me not to think when I wake in the night. I know this one’s a bit odd but I’ve also got a heated (put in microwave) long lavender neck wrap that I wrap round me like my husband’s arm. I’ll try anything and everything to make this awful feeling a little better. Keeping busy during the day and wearing myself out helps too.

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My sleep is still all.over the place. I’m trying to keep busy in the day, but struggling to go out at the moment, am off work still and get bad anxiety :disappointed_face:. I get overwhelming waves of feeling scared and then get really upset, this is an awful journey we are all trying to come to terms with. If it wasn’t for this site I don’t know how I would be coping with this at times. I’m going to try and just get out into my front garden today, that’s my goal. Sending best wishes to you and all who need it. X

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5

Maybe have a look at www.sleepstation.org.uk. Who run a proven, structured programme. If your GP will refer you it’s free.
I’ve just started it. As far as I can see, they won’t recommend all the quick fixes we get via Facebook, the focus being on the anxiety and cortisol levels. We shall see!

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Thanks for the link I’ll look into it .

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You’re still in your early stages of grief. It’s a horrible emotional rollercoaster we are riding . We make small steps everyday sometimes without noticing . My bereavement counsellor advise a walk every day . I am sure getting out in the garden will help.

Take Care :hugs:

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I manage between none and 2 hours sleep a night,never more since wife died Jan, I was not a good sleeper before and over the years tried everything you can think of , sleeping pills,night nurse etc sedates you and feel bad all day, so I just accept I don’t sleep much but it’s a awfully long night when awake at 1 every night, really does your head in but what can you expect after all this grief,its a living nightmare getting harder by the day

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Thats what I dont understand.Why does it get harder every day? Is it because you cant accept it,its not what you want . Before the funeral ,I thought it was a mistake,someone would ring me and tell me he was ok,on his way home. Now I know its real.Maybe thats it,its final ,no going back.

Some days ,I just torture myself!!!

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10

I was sent this info to try and explain not sleeping. It’s from ascientific, rather than an emotional point of view. For me, it’s helped a lot. I refuse to just accept sleeplessness without a battle!

  1. The Role of Cortisol (The "Alertness"or “stress” Hormone)
    Normal Cycle: Cortisol is supposed to be at its lowest around midnight and begin rising between 2:00 AM and 3:00 AM to prepare you to wake up.
    Nighttime Anxiety: If you are stressed or anxious, your body produces excess cortisol in the evening. This creates a state of “high alert” when you should be resting.
    The 3 AM Wake-up: Because cortisol naturally surges in the early morning, if you are already anxious, this spike will jolt you fully awake, making it very hard to get back to sleep.

  2. Is it Melatonin Being Low?
    Yes, low or suppressed melatonin plays a role, but it usually works in tandem with high cortisol.

Suppression: When you are anxious, stressed, or exposed to blue light from phones/screens, your body suppresses the production of melatonin.
Consequence: Without enough melatonin to keep you in a deep sleep, you are more vulnerable to waking up when the cortisol rise happens.
Vicious Cycle: Poor sleep lowers melatonin further and raises cortisol, causing more anxiety the next night.

A few facts around hormones at play in the body.
Basically we have more hormones to contend with at 3am. That’s why it’s harder, so be super gentle with your body, using some fierce compassion for a body doing the best it can :ok_hand:

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11

Hi woody I keep thinking someone has made a mistake and it can’t be real it’s so hard! I can’t sleep at all all I do is cry :cry: I don’t want to feel this way no more, hope your ok?

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I mentioned Sleepstation earlier. After my first week, when I just had to fill in a diary after each night, I quickly received their summary of what I should be changing in my bed/sleeping habits. So I took them on board and put them into action for the first time last night. I know one swallow doesnt make a summer, but for the first time since Penny died 4 years ago, I slept all the way through!! This was despite getting some worrying news about 5 minutes before going to bed, I remember thinking that will be something to worry about at 3am. :weary_face:
Fingers crossed!!
I sleep with three dogs at the moment, two little ones on the bed (one of them normally on top of me) a big one on the floor next to me. They slept through as well, I had to wake them up.
Maybe some challenges along the way, but I have to be optimistic there is an end to this!!

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Hi Lex1. The crying is hard,sometimes I feel like I want to wail and scream. I am a quiet person and this is scary. The emotions that hit you are so tense and deep. It has to let up sometime,dont think our minds and body can take it.

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Morning . So glad you have had some sleep. It really makes your mind quiten down. I have a ritual at bedtime,it helps. Doesnt stop me getting up at the crack of dawn but dont mind on bright mornings.

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Morning @tykey

Glad you had a good nights sleep,

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Morning @Lex1

It’s hard to contain the tears once they start flowing. You’re in your early stages of grief. Be kind to yourself, take baby steps each day .