I just can’t sleep I can’t switch off
I’m not going to sleep till about 4 am
That feeling when I first wake up and think he is still here and it’s been a nightmare is unbearable
I dream about him I also have nightmares about him passing the awful feeling of just not been able to do anything fills me with guilt

I’m really not coping with every thing really can’t get out of bed is this normal ?
Sorry for the rant

Marie x

do anything it fills me with guilt

1 Like

Don’t be sorry for ranting. 15 months today for me still wide awake. I was prescribed sleeping tablets did take them initially helped for a while I stopped taking them did not want to depend on them. I think now I just cope with a few hours sleep but it gets to the point your exhausted have you spoken to your GP. Very early days for you. I can function now go to work but my husband is never off my mind.
Take care of yourself x

Hi Kim

I’m sorry the loss of your husband

The doctors won’t give me sleeping tablets as I am on alot of medication for bipolar and anxiety disorder

I just accept I wont see him again
He had been really poorly for 6 months with cancer
I nursed him 24/ 7 I could see him getting worse by the day but I really thought he would get better
I kinda feel bad in away because when he was really poorly I just wished 're pain would go away ad he would be in peace
Everyone says he’s out of pain now I know that but it doesn’t stop me longing for him

When he first passed all I could see is him when he was ill
Now all I can see is him before he was poorly
He was my strong could do anything beautiful husband

I just can’t imagine been able to move on
Sorry if I don’t make much sense
Thankyou for listening
Take care Marie x

Im exactly the same, 4am and stillmwide awake, im glad i dont work as least that takes some pressure off. I think what we really need is a book called" is this normal" because thats what wd all want to know. Is guilt normal, is anger normal when do the tears stop, when do we stop feeling do lonely. If we had the answers perhaps it would be easier to carry on.

You do make sense Mick was given his diagnosis of cancer a week before he died we knew for months something was serious but with lockdown last year all results treatment was delayed then it was to late had 3 days with him when told nothing they could do. Like your husband he was never ill a strong man and too see how they deteriorate is awful for a year every second those images were in my head they still are to a degree don’t think they will ever go. 15 months on I’m remembering all our good times wish he was still here different difficult life baby steps. Take care

1 Like

Sorry for your loss. I manage now on a few hours get exhausted when having to work early shifts. I don’t think our life’s will ever be normal x
Take care

1 Like

I nursed my wife 24/7 for the last 6 months. She passed away 8 weeks ago. I don’t sleep. I’ve decided not to try and sleep. I sit up watching any rubbish on tv until I can’t keep awake, usually about 4am. I am surviving on very little sleep. All my thoughts are still with her illness and how she suffered. The last 6 months have taken over the good memories of the last 39 years.

I’m so sorry for your loss
You sound like me
Its at 4am when I drift off
I took can’t get out of my head how my husband deteriorated so quickly it was awful
I am starting to get back memories before cancer
They nice to think about but then I miss him more
I don’t even know who I am I have lost my identity
It was always me and Ian we did everything together
Today i walked around asda thinking I don’t need anything anymore
I looked at all the food Ian liked
That upset me even more
It’s so painfull him not been here with me

I miss him dreadfully

Take care
Marie x

1 Like

Sorry for your loss
They is s million different emotions every day
Today for example I didn’t cry till tonight
I was thinking what’s the matter with me !
Sometimes I feel like he’s looking down on me thinking it looks like you don’t care
I’m up and down constantly
Which really isn’t good for me as I have bipolar

Take care
Marie x

I’m up and down every day. I don’t know what emotions coming next. I can start crying anytime and anywhere. I miss her so much. It’s this time close to midnight that’s the worst. Should I try and blank it out and feel numb or do I get the photos out and get distressed. I try anything not to think of how she suffered in the last week.

Take care of yourself

1 Like

It’s awful I haven’t looked at any photos yet I really don’t think I can at least not yet
PM me anytime

You take care of yourself too Gary

Marie x

I’ve just arranged an evening in a couple of weeks with my three daughters to go through our old photos. Not sure if it’s going to help. I know it will be very emotional. We’ve all agreed any of us can cancel before the night if it’s going to be too much.

Gary x

1 Like