Sleeping

Hi All,

Does anyone else have problems sleeping? I fall asleep after a few hours but I have continuous nightmares, one finishes and it’s a switch into another. All my dreams/nightmares feature my dad. Sometimes I know he has passed and then I see him and even say ‘I thought you had passed’ then it switches again to after he has passed and I’m aware of it- if that makes sense. Other times I don’t know he has gone. It’s getting to the point that I don’t enjoy sleeping.

I find myself trying to scream but nothing comes out and in the morning my lungs feel so tired. I also talk/yell and it’s a whole lot of noise and I wake myself up or I’m silent crying.

I’ve heard people say perhaps dad is trying to tell me something…I can’t make head or tail, I think I’m just missing him.

Just wanted to see if anyone else is having issues sleeping too.

Sam

Hi for the first few weeks I was on mild sleeping tablets which really did help as I hardly slept sometimes I do wake up and sometimes I sleep right through I dream about my partner I lot that he is still with me which upset me at first now I feel it is a comfort to me as I am talking to him maybe see your doctor and get something that is non addictive to help you sleep better.
Take care
Christine x

Hi Christine,

Thank you for sharing. I have been given a limited amount of sleeping pills which I break in half or sometimes take the whole. Dr’s understandably are not keen on giving out sleeping pills but I might ask them again and see if they have an alternative.

I think in time I might find it comforting to dream of dad but right now it’s because I can’t always tell if it’s real or not and then when I wake up, it’s a crash…dad’s really not here.

Thank you for replying! x

I am totally resistant to the idea of taking any form of prescribed sleeping medication or anti-depressant. These things have such a bad reputation.
I am happy to take herbal remedies though - the constituents of the sleeping aids are usually valerian, hops and passiflora (Passion flower.) A mug of milky Ovaltine before bedtime and a sprinkling of lavender oil on my pillow all assist to some extent. Not perfect, but better (for me) than the synthesized chemicals that a doctor might prescribe.
A word to the wise here - I note that Tesco own brand herbal tabs which they used to market as “Sleep Aid” are now packaged as “Stress Relief”. The constituents and the proportions thereof are exactly the same.
I also take St John’s Wort tablets occasionally, for low mood.

Hi Edwin,

I’m in insomniac, the natural stuff doesn’t work for me- tried all of that including L-Theamine, 5HTP, Melotonin etc. I go through sleeping patterns where I can drift and clearly now where I drift or have an interpreted sleep.

I understand your caution to sleeping pills. Resistance does build up quickly. I would never take anti depressants, then again I’m not depressed.

Good morning. I’m sorry you’re having such a bad time Sam. I’m afraid it comes with the territory. I haven’t had a full night’s sleep for more than 16 months since my husband passed. I don’t fight it, I just get up, make a hot drink and read in the hope it will make me sleepy again. I don’t have nightmares though - that must be awful for you. I agree with Edwin, I wouldn’t take any kind of medication for sleep or depression - I’m not sure they would be helpful in the long run. But that’s just me. If others have found prescribed medication to be helpful well I’m pleased for them. There is no medicine for grief, it’s something we have to bear. Sending love x

Hi Crazy Kate,

I’m coming to this conclusion, goes with the territory. Perhaps would be easier if I could talk about things with the family but you know the dynamics.

The nightmares are bad…pull me out of sorts for the next day. Guessing that’s part and parcel of grief too or any incredibility stressful situation.

Easier to bear with support.

Thanks x

Your last message sounded a little more positive Sam. It helps to share our thoughts and feelings, doesn’t it? I’m sorry for your nightmares, I don’t get them - in fact I dream very little or if I do then I don’t remember them. Not sure what the answer is. Perhaps it’s just time and hopefully those nightmares will disappear and leave you to focus on the love you shared with your dad. Xx

Hi Crazy Kate,

Absolutely. Yes, perhaps time, talking and processing…still early days.

Thanks! xx

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